T Minus 60: Operation Safety Net

My brothers arrive in town and we talk through how they are going to deliver the news to my parents.  We expected both parents have received their license revocation notices, but unfortunately, we only have confirmation that my dad lost his license.

My mom just stopped driving on her own within the past year. My dad was encouraging her to get behind the wheel but she has resisted doing more than driving around the parking lot. This means my dad is driving without a license and uninsured.

We are sitting around the dining room table talking through a variety of issues. The goal of this trip is to implement the changes my parents have failed to make to ensure their safety and well-being. My brothers are here to help my parents move to the retirement community and retire their cars.

Over the past year, we have gone with my parents to see a psychologist and two internists to review their mental and physical health. All three made the same recommendations to simplify their lives by living in one place and eliminating driving.

My parents kept resisting these recommendations and have forced us to act in their best interest. They believed that they had set up their lives so we would not have to do to them what they had to do to their parents. Unfortunately, we were unable to convince them to follow through on their plans. It has taken a doctor’s recommendation to the DMV to revoke the driving licenses to give us the foundation for implementing these changes for them. Otherwise, they would continue to drive which further illustrates to us their diminished cognitive states.

We start running through the checklist and our conversation gets so lively that my daughter walks in and asks us to stop fighting. I turn to her and tell her we are not fighting, just having a passionate discussion. We were raised with family dinners where we would discuss and debate many topics. Thankfully, our parents gave us the tools to discuss and collaborate to best serve them.

When my brothers leave to drive to my parents’ house, we were all in agreement. We can have these discussions because we trust and love each other very much. I hope she and my son develop the same relationship.

We are very lucky.  I’m thankful my brothers are here to do this and we have not allowed this to come between us. United.