My brothers left to get back to their lives. The past week was full of activity and we made progress on some major items we needed to address.
As I was in the car with my son, my mom calls and I answer. I have Bluetooth, so he can hear the full conversation.
Mom: “Hi Kay, did you just call?”
Kay: “No, I didn’t. How are you?”
Mom: “Surviving. Can you help us?”
We chat a bit and come up with the game plan for my next visit. My mom tells me she didn’t want any help today, but they did want to go to brunch together tomorrow. I suggest I pick them up from their town house. My mom explained they have a lot of stuff they want to move to the retirement community so they came in to start working on that. They continue to search for purpose and meaning. They need help, but they are not yet ready to accept it from anyone but their children.
THAT IS HUGE PROGRESS! They will let us help.
Unfortunately, I am unable to spend time with them every day to help them. However, usually when I do visit now, they accept the help and the visits have been much easier. This required that we both change.
My brothers reported that their visit was conflict free. They were able to use the tips I shared on working with the parents. They noticed a big difference on this visit.
When I hang up, my son turns to me and says: “That was a weird call, good, but unusual – what happened?” I went with the short answer. We have all adapted to find a way to work together. Changed.
Love this one Kay, and the wisdom of your son!
I was at a dementia forum on Monday, and wrote down this quote, which I think is relevant to your blog today;
“Until you change the way a person thinks, you won’t get a change in his/her behaviour.”
I’m not sure it is possible to get a person with dementia to change their thinking, except in the early stages of the disease, but applied in reverse, by changing our own behaviour and thinking, maybe we can influence theirs. Just a thought…