Tag: alzheimers

Music and Dementia

Music soothes the savage beast. For my parents, it engages their minds and brings forth happy memories.

I stopped by to visit my parents and I couldn’t find them at their retirement community. When I went to ask if someone saw them get in a cab, I was told “No, they are at the OctoberFest celebration.”

They had forgotten I was going to come by for a visit and were sitting at a table watching the band play  traditional OctoberFest songs. Growing up, my parents didn’t listen to much music unless they were playing it together on a piano. I still can see my dad’s hand-written notes on the dashboard of both car’s restricting radio use if my mom was in the car.

Half-way through the concert, my mom starts clapping and is singing along with one of the tunes. She then starts to talk about when they lived in Germany. Music is reported to improved the memory of those with dementia. It was a pleasant way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

As I sat watching the band, I wondered what type of band would I be enjoying in my 80’s?  At 48, I still love electronic dance music and thanks to XM, it’s on in my car without fail. Humored.

When are you too old to drive?

I don’t think this is a fair question, but it is the one that most often comes up. It’s really not about age, but about ability and competence.

The Washington Post ran a story Should older drivers quit? Families key in wrenching decision, need docs, better tests to help.  The story includes a few simple tests the American Medical Association recommends that doctors administer when advising older drivers. Among them:

—Walk 10 feet down the hallway, turn around and come back. Taking longer than 9 seconds is linked to driving problems.

—On a page with the letters A to L and the numbers 1 to 13 randomly arranged, see how quickly and accurately you draw a line from 1 to A, then to 2, then to B and so on. This so-called trail-making test measures memory, spatial processing and other brain skills, and doing poorly has been linked to at-fault crashes.

—Check if people can turn their necks far enough to change lanes, and have the strength to slam on brakes.

We live in Virginia and it took us three different doctors before one knew that the state has a provision to revoke a license. She swiftly completed both forms for my parents.

However, we knew it was time when we would no longer ask “nana” and “pop-pop” to pick our kids up from school. That was more than two years ago.

I don’t think those tests account for someone with dementia. You need to make quick decisions.  I’ve been with my parents when they got lost in the midst of driving a route that used to be routine. My dad would drive faster when he was lost — like he was almost in hurry to find a place he recognized.

I’m glad they no longer have their licenses. Now, if they would only remember! Contemplated.

Was there a defining moment when you knew your loved one should stop driving? What was it?

I got lost on the way over

I made plans dominofallingwith my Dad to play racquetball and go over the family tree this morning. When my Dad showed up almost a half our late, I was relieved. It wasn’t the first time he showed up late, went missing or lost his way while driving. The look on my Dad’s face was a heartbreaker. I smiled, gave him a kiss and got us back out the door and on the way to the gym.

My Dad now acknowledges that things aren’t the same and he is having trouble remembering really simple things. It’s been a long road to today and we have many more miles to go – but it’s a victory – albeit bittersweet. I’ve noticed many changes in my parents over the past ten years. With two of them, they presented a fierce and united front and have covered for each other and generally resisted any suggestion that their health and mental abilities were changing. I’d suggest considering mental bench-marking or a follow-up visit to a neurologist, and one would agree, and then the other would unravel any plans. This happened time and time again. So I just quit trying.

When my siblings started to experience their odd behaviors, they had to coax me back into trying. I had given up since it was the only way for me to really deal with my parents on a daily and weekly basis. My siblings stepped up to the plate as well and visit quite regularly to help us manage through this transition we are all going through.

As their cognitive decline seems to have shifted into a higher gear, I’ve learned how to better support them and put as much of a safety net around them as they will allow me (and my siblings) to provide, yet the dominoes are starting to topple.

Now the reality is starting to sink in. Bummed.