Podcast for caregivers helping loved ones with dementia.
Even the best made plans need more to lighten the load of caregiving. My parents had Estate Plans, but getting the Power of Attorney accepted at the bank so I could help pay the bills was a difficult task on top of the difficult role of being a family caregiver. My journey through this phase of my life led me to launch MemoryBanc. All members of our agency serve as professional family members who are insured, bonded, and skilled to know how to manage the bills and taxes for individuals and couples dealing with dementia and cognitive impairment.
I created a resource to help me manage and help my parents that launched me into a new life path. For over a decade, the business I launched helps individuals and families navigate the financial aspects of caregiving.
People want a quick and simple tool to do it, so I created The What If Kit that is a free download and I don’t need any of your information for you to get it. I just want you to have it and use it. It takes less than hour to do and provides the basic information someone would need to help.
What I learned as the adult child that lived near my parents and spent time with them was that what we noticed for years were really early signs of dementia in my mom. She would say things that made me realize she was having trouble with her memory but when we tried to look into it further, she would pass on all options. Instead, she said we needed to focus on my dad who was the problem. Turned out, they both ended up being diagnosed with moderate stages of their dementia’s more than ten years after my husband and I noticed changes in my mom.
Getting a diagnosis early gives the individual diagnosed control on how they will live their life when they can no longer convey what is important to them. I understand that it is easier to avoid hearing bad news. However, I have seen many successful outcomes when someone is diagnosed, and they have time to plan and everyone is clear on what the individual wants. I contrast this to what my experience. I hoped I was choosing the right path for my parents because eventually, I had to make all the hard choices for them.
I have a client who went through the SHARE program with his adult daughter. Mom had passed away a few years prior and dad was living alone in his home. A counselor walked dad and his daughter through the program and gave them time and space to discuss future choices they might have to make. Five years later, my client is living well in his home with his two cats, and now has a team around him to support his daily life. Once he was diagnosed, it helped him and his daughter have a way to plan and build shared goals and make sure the tools and resources were in place.
What I do know (because I manage the bill pay) is that staying in his home with supports that provide engagement, meals, and manage his health care needs is less expensive than if he was moved into a care community. He also would not have been able to have his cats move with him which was very important to him. His cognition is declining, but he is living the life he wanted safely.
I hope the benefits of getting diagnosed to your loved one and all of those that will help care for them will be evident and useful. WISHED.
SHARE for Dementia is an evidence-based care-planning program that empowers adults with early-stage dementia and their families to get the most out of today while planning for tomorrow.
The length of time it takes to get a Durable Power of Attorney (DPOA) accepted at a bank seems to only get longer and more frustrating every year. In our work at MemoryBanc helping clients navigate forward when estate plans need to be put into action a large portion of upfront time is explaining that getting recognized as POA takes time.
It sounded so easy when you sat with the lawyer.
Two weeks ago, I took in the power of attorney and the local banker sent it in to the back office. Two full weeks and 10 business days later, they still haven’t responded or recognized me in the banking division. At the same time, I got an affidavit notarized and sent in my POA with that form to PNC Investments, and I was recognized within days. However, AFTER doing that, they say they can’t help because AIG manages his IRA so I now have to file my POA with them.
My client is receiving care services and has limited resources and cash available. I need access to help manage paying overdue bills, preventing a tax lien on his property, and to plot out his care for the next few months.
I hope this serves as a warning to you to consider:
Discussing your finances with the individual who will serve as your POA.
Give the person who you want to serve as your POA your online usernames and passcodes if you want them to be able to help you in a timely manner.
Considering setting up the POA designation with the bank BEFORE you need it.
I have contacted the lawyer who drafted the document to help. In my state there is a statute that was implemented so that banks accept the POA documents. However, it requires lots of work to still get recognized since the “legal” team in another state.
When did it become acceptable to stink at customer service? I say NEVER.
PNC joins a growing list of banks I would never personally use. DISAPPOINTED.
I recently lost a client who chose to control his own destiny. None of us knew he has been planning this end, but now his call to me to talk through the Estate Plans makes sense.
I reminded him that three years ago we had gone to the bank to provide them with his Trust and he made his checking account POD (payable upon death) to his Trust. The bulk of his wealth … his home and investment accounts … were already in the Trust. ** He chose to make the Trust the beneficiary after death, even though the lawyer had recommended titling the account to the Trust.
Last week I returned to his bank to provide them with the death certificate and transition his account into his Trust so we could pay his bills. The beauty of the Trust allows the Trustee (or in this case Successor Trustee) to carry on and avoid probate and additional taxes. However, the bank CAN’T FIND the Trust document or the POD instructions on his account! It is a big bank and they are going through a merger. Even the best-made plans can fail.
Just having the legal Trust document doesn’t mean your assets are held in Trust. You MUST take an extra step to ensure your home, investment account, financial assets are titled to/listed as the account holder.
PLEASE SEEK and follow THE ADVICE OF YOUR ESTATE LAWYER.
I am not a lawyer, but on a weekly basis run into all the ways great Estate Plans fail. Usually, it is because the people that paid to create the plans didn’t follow the instructions on how to implement those plans. Your work didn’t end the day you left the lawyer’s office after signing the papers … it really just began. Call your lawyer to find out if you are prepared.
Practically, what can you do to ensure you are prepared for when you need help? First, assume that you will need help before you die. According to the Department of Health and Human Services, 70 percent of all adults over the age of 65 will need 3 years of help to manage the activities of daily living. Don’t wait until you need help. It can take weeks and even months to work with financial institutions.
Get Estate Plans in place by working with an Elder Law Attorney. This includes a variety of legal documents they will discuss with you.
Follow the instructions you are given. For those people that have a Trust, you should receive a document that recommends which accounts you title to the Trust (instead of the account being in your name “Kay Bransford” it would be “The Kay Bransford Trust” and I would be listed as the Trustee). They will also provide information on which beneficiary updates need to be made for all of your asset accounts.
Monitor your mail to make sure the accounts are titled properly. Several years ago, I got a piece of mail from an investment account that was titled to “Kay Bransford.” Three years prior I had provided them with the Trust and for years, the mail was arriving titled to “The Kay Bransford Trust.” When I called to find out what was going on I was told they went through a computer update and somehow, it resulted in my account retitling. I was able to get it immediately addressed.
I hope these steps can help you understand the importance of truly implementing your Trust. Contact your lawyer when you have questions.
If you need some help monitoring and managing your accounts or your bill pay, you can contact a Daily Money Manager. They fill the void of practical actions needed when it comes to making sure you lead the rest of the life you envisioned. Summarized.
My day job supporting individuals who are too busy or overwhelmed by paying bills and managing a household as a Daily Money Manager has helped me refine how I want to lead the rest of my life.
I have adopted the concept of “adulting” (thank you millennials) which is described as “the practice of behaving in a way characteristic of a responsible adult, especially the accomplishment of mundane but necessary tasks.” However, I want to extend this idea to add stages of adulting that take us through the end of our lives. That is if we want to “Adult” well.
Check out this Adulting Roadmap, and let me know what you think. In my world, retirement is not a finish line, but a launchpad to new endeavors. Those in my life aging successfully have planned, are adapting, and open to sharing with their loved ones, asking for, and accepting help when it’s needed. You can listen to this podcast where I discuss this concept with Debbie Miller who hosts the podcast Move or Improve. Interviewed
If you need help getting your personal and financial information organized, you can order a copy of MemoryBanc: Your Workbook for Organizing Life on Amazon. It’s less than $17.00 and will make it easy to get to the stage of Adulting Master.
When my parents health started to fail, I was the adult child that was local and stepped up to help. While my parents had planned well, what I needed was information on their accounts, the locations of their personal documents, and access to their online accounts to help reset codes and update account information.
While I wrote a book that will walk you through this process, I am happy to give you a summary of what you need to collect and organize so you can do it yourself. Having a summary of this will help your spouse, partner, and loved ones that will step in to help should you need it.
Every adult should have a Durable Power of Attorney. It gives someone the ability to step in for you and pay bills, and manage your financial affairs if you are unable to do this — even temporarily. We did this for my son when he turned 18, and I used it to file his taxes one year when he was traveling.
For those of you caring for someone, you know how important, frustrating, and necessary it is to have this document in place. What many people don’t know is how difficult and time-consuming it can be to have a financial institution recognize the document. Many couples don’t realize until, it is a problem, that being married does not give you instant access to a spouse’s account if you are not named on it.
In hopes of giving you a simple guide to organize this information for yourself, I am releasing this free download.
There seem to be two kinds of people in this world. One that uses medication and appreciates the benefits, and the other that has a general aversion to taking medication.
I fall in the second category and was happy when the one prescribed medication I was taking (a baby aspirin/day) fell out of favor. Well, I suppose there was the science to it, but when my doctor said to discontinue taking it, I was happy to comply.
I see many people struggle with medications, including those with no cognitive issues. I think it’s too easy to miss a dose and think pill caddies are helpful solutions.
A reader asked if there were any simple books for medication management for someone diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. While I’m not trained in health management, from the brain health training I have done, I do know that starting a new habit is difficult for someone diagnosed with any form of cognitive issue, include all dementias.
The bubble packs are dated and have time stamps that are easy reminders to follow and track.
There are two simple options to help manage medication as well as see if and when someone has missed a dose. The first is the pill caddy and the second is bubble packs. For anyone with more complicated medication scheduling or a lot of pills, the doses are packed with dates and times and come on a roll or in a blister pack.
I always consider options that give an individual more control over their life. I think those two options are helpful in managing medication and provide simple cues on when to take and if a dose was missed.
For those that are averse to medication, but diagnosed with something that medication can prevent or abate, I hope family and loved ones will speak up and help the individual understand the choices they are making and the potential risk to their health. One of the entitlements of being American is that we are given the opportunity to make really bad choices for ourselves. However, when it comes to our health, sometimes our spouses, siblings, and friends need to recognize that someone diagnosed with a cognitive issue might be unable to make a reasonable choice. The act of not taking that medication might result in a need for a higher level of care or other health complication that requires medical intervention or nursing care.
I hope if you have someone in your life in this second category, you will at least share your concern and give them the opportunity to explain their choice. Once diagnosed with any form of dementia, I see many deal with loss after loss. They have lost friends who fell away, the ability to perform at a job they loved, and even just manage the simple act of cooking a meal. Is the refusal to take the medication one place that gives them a sense of control? Wondered.
While our social lives are slowing down, now is a good time to work with your spouse, partner, family, and friends to build a roadmap of your important personal documents, asset details, and account information.
While I initially created this checklist for caregivers, I found it was incredibly useful to organize all of the information that surrounds my family. I also went from two drawers in a filing cabinet to one 2-inch three ring binder.
You can download a free copy of the checklist (and get a simple guide on what to save and what to shred) to put together a binder of your information. In my house it sits on the desk in our home office so everyone can find the information when it is needed.
I hope you will find it useful for you and your loved ones. Feel free to share this PDF. Given.
A report released estimates that “almost all American retirees claim Social Security at the wrong time … which means they will miss out on a collective $3.4 trillion in benefits before they die.”
Oooaaaaffff. That hurts.
Especially when we are living longer and care costs are escalating. Most American’s don’t realize that many care costs are not covered by their medical insurance. Help in the home (dressing, bathing, eating, toileting) is not covered by medical insurance, but is why long-term care policies are offered.
The last year of my Mom’s life cost over $200,000 in 2015. That included the memory care community she lived in (it wasn’t super fancy, it was just the right community for her) along with the additional costs for a personal care assistant added up quickly. Unfortunately, my Mom was unsteady on her feet so we had to pay for additional care when she was awake so she didn’t keep trying to walk and then fall and end up in the Emergency Room.
Social Security offers a retirement calculator which I recently used with my sister. It made it easy to see when to turn on her benefits.
If you work with a financial advisor, I would contact them to learn how and when turning it on makes the best financial sense for you. Talk to you friends and family to learn how they made their decision. This is a situation in which talking about money and the choices we make can be great learning experience.
I am the WORST offender of the first part of this habit.
Sorting mail daily for clients has made me akin to the cobblers children with no shoes. I usually let it pile up and go through the pile weekly.
It’s annoying to friends and family that have sent mail because I typically prioritize the bills and statements and leave the “fun” stuff for that period of the day when I have a bunch of free time. That usually means I won’t see it until the weekend.
I keep trying to remind myself to “touch it once” and now I am at least reviewing it daily and culling out all the junk mail when I bring it up from the mailbox.
Do what you can. I am just recommending you sort it daily, at least weekly, and be sure to REVIEW your statements.
I find people decide to set up their credit cards on autopay and they truly set it and forget it. They STOP checking the itemized purchases. When I start working with clients and we do this together for the first time we find HUNDREDS of dollars that have crept into their monthly charges they either didn’t know about or are not using.
The paperless setting lures you into this habit. I hope you will at least add a monthly reminder to review your charges if you have electronic billing. If you find you are not doing this, maybe you can go back to mailed statements? Suggested.
