A reader (thank you Debbie) reminded me how important it is to make a connection with the individuals surrounding your loved one. Thankfully, these days are behind me. However, the issues surrounding helping my parents reshaped my life plans. Nearly a decade ago, I launched my own business to help other families deal with financial confusion and disorganization and have learned who the key players are that you should have on your support team.
Debbie cared for her mom for ten years. Her mom would add her to the bank account, and within days revoked that permission. Most people don’t recognize dementia or notice memory issues when they don’t know you, so the bankers would follow the wishes of their client. Debbie kept a diary of her mom’s behavior and was able to provide that information to her mom’s long term primary care physician along with a letter of concern. This at least allowed the doctor to diagnose and recommend medications.
Debbie spent time meeting with the bank manager, social services, and lawyer so they were all notified of the situation. Sometimes it is all you can do. Similar to my family situation, guardian and conservatorship were recommended but for anyone who has witnessed this, it is often not something you want to pursue. You basically would be declaring your loved one incompetent in a court of law and in a public record. It can be very costly and if the individual hires a lawyer to fight it, the costs in our area are typically in the tens of thousands. There are many cases in which this is a necessity, but often it gets really messy when families end up in court.
When I was the caregiver, the financial advisor for my parent’s disregarded our calls. Most modern financial advisors know that incorporating the adult children into the fold early is a smart move. Most adult children will immediately move the money the moment they can when the advisor presented as more of a roadblock that a resource. I know we did when it was time to help organize my parent’s finances.
There are many others I recommend to help you along the way as illustrated in the diagram. If your loved one won’t let you help, spend your time building a bridge to other resources that may provide the support needed. For a few more posts related to this topic, follow the links below. Shared.
A Quick Way to Ensure You are Well-Represented What you need to be an effective advocate. Includes a free download.
Strokes, Free Will, and Frustration For All Some basic things you can do if you someone continues to drive when maybe they shouldn’t be due to medical concern.
Dreamwork Makes the Care Team Work I discuss the individuals that are key for keeping someone safe in their home.