Tag: power of attorney

Does the Durable Power of Attorney Make Assisting a Loved One Easier?

I recommend that EVERYONE have one, but it is not as simple to use as most of us believe. medicarecaredI am embarking on a journey to use my parent’s updated Durable Power of Attorney (POA). We worked with their medical team to ensure we could have them sign a new one. The one they did in 2002 needed to be updated because MANY banks refused to accept it – several stating they would not accept one that was more than 2 years old. 

In the interim, my mom and dad helped get me access by adding me to their bank account and then helping me set up online access to several of the big accounts that needed maintenance. I am embarking on a mission to get their accounts cleaned up while I have a fresh POA. I will be sharing with you the different institutions and what they are requiring of me to get access to my parent’s accounts. It takes hours, days, weeks … so I’m thankful this isn’t a critical medical emergency because I know in that case, we would NOT have access to the accounts, information and would have to cover many of their expenses had I not been added to the bank account already.

The first one I will cover is MEDICARE. I simply wanted to update the mailing address so I called from a billing summary. The mail doesn’t forward from the Post Office change of address notice and the letters are being mailed to my parent’s in Assisted Living. Unfortunately, that means I don’t see many of the bills and notices. I called to update the address and after some time navigating the automated phone system — I finally reach a human. I’m told I have to report the change of address to the Social Security Administration (SSA). They just receive the information from SSA. The person on the phone gives me a phone number to call.

When I reach a person at SSA, she is very helpful. She explains to me that I need to come in and meet with them to request to become the “representative” for my parent’s. I can bring the POA, but the most important thing I need to bring is the number to the doctor that will confirm my parent’s are unable to handle their own affairs. She offers to set an appointment and is surprised to find me one next week.

I will share with you how that meeting goes … next Wednesday … starting at 9:04 a.m. Endeavored.

Divide and Conquer and the Modern Family

My husband and I married in our thirties and we have the divide and conquer philosophy on many of the household duties. My friends and colleagues have mentioned divvying up financial and household matters. When Consumer Reports recently cited that only 30% of couples knew the major financial assets and how to access them, I was not surprised.

ModernFamilyWhile I hope we are not as wacky as the family on the TV show Modern Family, to this day, my husband and I still keep our own bank accounts that are jointly titled. We decided to make one the household bill pay account and the other the rainy day savings account.

I am the owner of the bill pay account. When we were first married, I would write checks twice a month. When my career put me on the road, my husband took over the bill-paying duties from “my account.” He immediately set up online bill pay. When my days of travel ended, I took back the bill pay duties. When I first logged in, I didn’t see any of the bill pay accounts. I had wrongly assumed that the bill pay accounts and pending transactions would be available for both online users to our joint checking account. That is not the case; you can only see the bill pay accounts created under your login. I immediately took over my husband’s username and now we both use one login. I’m now on a soapbox recommending this setup to all of my clients.

If either my husband or I were unable to pay the bills, the other could easily step in. Sharing usernames is against both of our banks’ user agreements and if I call for support, they won’t answer my questions because I am not allowed to be in my husband’s account. Silly! I’m not a big rule breaker, but that is one I break all the time.

Now that I am caring for my parents, the online access offered by every company and most state and federal services has been a major time and frustration saver for me. When my parents’ insurance company and the financial institutions that hold several investment accounts refused to accept my durable power of attorney (this is a lot more common than you can imagine and I will cover this next month), my dad worked with me to set up online access so I could act on my parents’ behalf.

Setting up online access to your accounts does not negate the need to have a current will or power of attorney. However, this information will make it infinitely simpler for someone to step in and help if you are unable to manage your accounts, if even only temporarily.

To get your details organized, you can download a free copy of the account and documents checklist, or order the MemoryBanc Register that will prompt you through the process.

I hope you will consider making this change to how you manage your household accounts and bill payments. It’s a kindness your loved ones will appreciate if the information is ever needed.

Sincerely,
– Kay
Kay Bransford
Chief Curator and Founder, MemoryBanc

Did you know that a Durable Power-of-Attorney won’t help with financial institutions?

durablepoaIf you haven’t already faced this, you will find that the Durable Power-of-Attorney (POA) doesn’t work with U.S. financial institutions. At least that has been our experience, and I have heard from dozen’s of others who found the same issues.

Most financial institutions and insurance companies want the POA to be their version.  A court battle would most likely get you what you need, but we all were thinking this legal tool would be easier to use than it has been.

Three months ago we started to pursue filing a lawsuit for guardianship of my parents. After meeting with many professionals and a little soul-searching, we wanted to first exhaust all other methods. We knew our parents would understand the nature of the lawsuit. Our parents were (and still are some days) resistant to any assistance. We had their friends, doctor and the retirement community suggesting that we do something to help my parents move forward with more dignity — most suggested we pursue guardianship which would allow us to make all the decisions for our parents that they would be unable to overturn.

We recognize how hurt our parents were with the loss of their cars. They didn’t remember that a doctor had written a note to the DMV and their licenses were revoked — so my dad continued to drive. While they initially handed over the keys, they continued to tell everyone their kids stole their car.

We felt the move for guardianship would be a direct hit on my parent’s dignity. There had to be another way to move forward without causing more hurt.

I upped my weekly visits and I have worked to adapt to better serve my parents needs on their terms. Most days, my mom understands they are on the waiting list for assisted living and while I’m sure this won’t be easy, we are moving closer to the right solution for my parents. Reflected.

Can a Geriatrician help us move my parents in a positive direction?

you're itAfter we got the diagnosis from the Neurologist  (Vascular Dementia for both and my dad also shows signs of Alzheimer’s) and I had questions about medicines, we were referred back to their primary care provider. They haven’t seen their “assigned” primary care provider in two years. The last time we met with this Doctor, we were concerned because my dad seemed depressed (personality change). The doctor did not even notice my dad had lost 20 pounds in a year.

I felt it was important for them to see someone who specializes in treating older patients. I asked if we could be referred to a Geriatrician.

My brother was in town, so we could divide up the appointments. My dad and brother were with the doctor for an hour and a half. When I get in with my mom, we find out that the doctor is primarily interested in getting to know my parents and discussing their medical history and current health.

As he talks with my mom, he learns that she has no memory of any prior medical history. She plays along at first and agrees she saw a Neurologist once but tells him no one has ever prescribed medicine for her. He tells her she has seen the Neurologist three times in the past few months. That shocks her.

The doctor has a very nice manner. He leans in and looks directly in my mom’s eyes when he asks her questions. He gives her his full attention and she is very open in response. After he performs the mini-mental exam, he asks if she has considered signing over guardianship to someone to make her decisions.

My mom is perplexed and tells him they moved into the retirement community, and I handle the bill payments. No one has expressly had the discussion with my parents regarding the fact that while my parents planned to back each other up — they are both unable to manage that responsibility. Thankfully, my sister got them to complete the Durable Power of Attorney and Medical Power of Attorney, but I think when we sign those papers, we all assume they would get used when you are unconscious and unable to speak for yourself.

Their doctor heads straight into that topic. I’m not sure my mom fully understood what it was he was driving at, but I’m guessing most of his counsel was meant for me. Tapped.