We decided that we didn’t need to remind my mom that her “brain was bad” when we got the report from the psychologist. However, now my mom is wondering why there is a bill for her. She whispers to me, “I only saw the doctor to discuss your father.”
Yes, just like she used our middle names when we were in trouble, when she is angry with my dad she refers to him as “your father.”
She’s wondering where the copy of the report is if she saw him – she knows my dad got one so she wonders why she didn’t get hers. I tell her I have a copy and will drop it off tomorrow.
There is a ton of detail on the testing that is difficult for most people to follow, and I know my mom will not understand it.
I highlight the three recommendations the psychologist makes in summary:
- Simplify your living arrangements by moving into the retirement community full time
- Have someone else manage bill payments and finances
- Give up your driver’s license
While we think getting the suggestion from a third party may make it easier for her to accept our assistance, I realize that reading this will just feel like a gut punch. I can’t imagine what she will be thinking, but always try to relate the emotion that one might feel in reading this report about yourself.
I believe she will feel confused, frustrated and sad. We only hope she will turn to us and allow us to help if she comprehends what is truly happening. Pondered.
3 thoughts on “I only saw the doctor to discuss your father.”
This is a tough one for certain. Many others I have spoken to relate having to take matters into their own hands and force a parent into a home, or take away keys/disable car, etc. It seems that when you are failing mentally you just don’t know you have crossed that line, whereas a physical issue, like a broken hi,p us obvious.
It is strange to recall that my grandparents looked forward to moving into a retirement community and tried one in Florida until my grandmother could no longer play tennis, then went to Williamsburg, VA, and then on to a Military retirement community in Norther VA, (when it opened) near Washington DC. It seems they were prepared for the transition and did it while they were still active and alert. it seemed normal at the time, but not-so-much as I look back on it.
Everyone is so different. Sprinkle in dementia and it seems the possibilities fragment is so many unexpected ways.
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