Now that I have the social worker’s report on the chain of events, my hope is that she will drop some pearls of wisdom on me. My siblings and I agreed that we are working toward helping our parents live the life they want to lead. However, due to their cognitive state, they are unable to organize their lives to truly enjoy all the activities they can still do.
She shares that my parents were very aware they have a problem. She also tells me how sweet and relaxed they were during their visit, which is unusual for people who are so confused.
The social worker asks me for some background on what’s happening with my parents. My CliffsNotes version takes almost 30 minutes since I start it back ten years ago when my dad and I suggested to my mom she get a mental benchmark. At that point, she was repeating conversations and asking me for recipes for dishes I was making that were from her. I get up to the stroke and the two “interventions” that we’d done as their children where we shared with them our concern for their safety and welfare.
However, they don’t remember these discussions so any agreement is quickly negated. I tell her how much it hurts sometimes when my mom says “prove it” or is horribly dismissive when I follow up on something she asked me to do, but doesn’t remember.
She shares that it’s very common for parents to have difficulty accepting help from the children they raised. It really doesn’t make me feel any better, or allow my parents to lead the life they are so trying to maintain. Stymied.
This is a new insight for me. My mom readily accepts help from us, but I can’t imagine dad happily doing so.