I realized how much control of the checkbook meant to my mom. While I was terrified she was going to be taken advantage of … she was totally unconcerned over the idea that she might lose her wallet. The reality was that she didn’t remember ever misplacing her wallet or purse.
What I came to learn was that the biggest threat to her financial security was not what most expect. It was the number of non-profits that wanted to get a few dollars to fund their mission. It felt good to my mother to be able to send off $25 to a charity.
A recent family asked me to step in and help their mom. We were all shocked to find that she was giving away over $2,000 every month in $25 and $30 increments. While mom was resistant to help, she was surprised to learn how much she was giving away every month and had not realized how quickly those small amounts accumulated. She now holds the bills and we work together once a week to pay bills and balance the checkbook.
If you have concerns over these issues, bring in a daily money manager can help. Not only can having a third-party mitigate any sibling/family concerns, but it also offers five other benefits:
- You can be the daughter/son. I realized that I was spending hours every week dealing with bills, medical details, and following up on a host of random items that I would have rather not been doing. I would have preferred to be able to just hang out with mom.
- You can empower your loved ones longer. Taking out the personal family history can help in finding simple solutions to manageing the money. You can just suggest they try it for a month and see if it helps to have a second set of eyes if you are noticing bills going un-paid or being over-paid. As tax season approaches, it might be a good time to try out some extra help.
- You have info you need if a community is considered. If you consider moving a loved one into a life care or retirement community, they will require a summary of personal assets. How quickly would you be able to pull that information together, and might it make mom or dad anxious if you were going through their papers?
- Real numbers to compare costs. Most people assume a retirement or assisted living community is instantly more expensive. In several cases, I have found it was less costly than keeping a loved in their home and bringing all of the care and services to them. Find out how and when you might consider a community option.
- Fraud and scam avoidance. One of the things a daily money manager will do is reconcile the checking account and monitor the credit card for extraneous charges. For one client, we found that the bank had deducted $1,000 more than the actual checks value. While the adult child was monitoring the account from across the country, they couldn’t know the actual amount of the invoice to know that $1,000 too much was debited from dad’s account.
After serving in this role for mom and dad for five years, I realized that I would exchange some of the money I inherited at mom’s death for free time and mother-daughter time had I known what I now know. Recognized.
If you want to find a daily money manager in your area, check out American Association of Daily Money Managers (AADMM).
I had a similar issue with my Aunt. Although sadly, she wasn’t giving the money to charities, her gardener and cleaner, whom she had emplyed for many years were charging her several times overbut the real offence came when I discovered her carer was systematically taking money from her account with her bankers card. Alzheimer’s people are so vulnerable.
Thanks for sharing. They say that elder fraud is $36.5 billion and they believe it is more often from family and caregivers. Sad!
Hello, I found that very interesting reading. I have Alzheimers disease and posterior cortical atrophy. I have just sorted out my power of attorney. My solicitor is power of attorney over my finances, it’s easier that way for when the time comes.
I’m glad to hear you are getting your ducks in a row … I wish every adult would do this! I would agree that the solicitor should have your power of attorney. I work with many who bring me on to pay the bills. My rate is much lower than that of the attorney … at least here in the U.S.
I am not sure how it works in the UK, dealing with solicitors is expensive no matter how you look at it. My dad is power of attorney over my health and welfare and when he is no longer here, my friend can take over. I do have a sister who I love but she isn’t very good with money. She already thinks that she will be power of attorney over me and I haven’t had the heart or guts to tell her that she isn’t!! Lol The law in the UK is a lot stricter now with Power of Attorney but I just don’t want my sister to be put is that position where she might be breaking the law without meaning to.
Good luck with the sister! LOL.