I’m ready to die

shouldistayMy client just shared this with me today. She’s 92, and the last few months have been difficult. She’s been having hallucinations, phantom pains, and doesn’t quite remember much about her past. While it’s sudden delivery surprises me, I also recognize that I would love for us all to be able to reach this point and gracefully exit.

She is always a delight to visit. She thanks me for helping and she follows along as I lead small talk about her son, her past, and the activities in her community I know she enjoys. So this statement, so definitive and bold, startled me.

She has enjoyed a wonderful life. May we all be able to choose our exit. I know my mom desperately wanted to avoid ever having her kids help care for her. I tell myself I hope I will be able to know when I’m taking more than I’m giving and gracefully end my journey on planet Earth … but I can’t imagine how to ever make that happen. Wished. 


7 thoughts on “I’m ready to die

    1. You have too much more good work to do, so I hope you won’t! This work changes how I have prioritized things so should it happen I did what I could with the time I’ve had. Are you with me on that?

      1. Yep, but I’m very tired. I feel overwhelmed and hopeless despite small joys and victories. So, I’m a bit ambivalent about living. I’m making the most of life while I’m here, but I would be okay to go now. My mother had a much stronger life force than I do 🙂

      2. Thanks for the offer Kay, but I think I just have to keep going and go through it. I don’t think talking will help, but if ever I feel it would, I’ll be in touch <3

Leave a Reply