For two weeks, my Mom has been relentless on the topic of mail. Some days, she will call more than 5 times in an hour to discuss the topic. “Kay, I’m not getting any mail. Are you getting all of my mail now?” Nothing has changed, so I’m a little confused about her question.

I’ve been in her apartment when the mail is delivered. The remnants of the mail can be found on her bed, the entry hall table, next to her favorite chair, why does she not recognize that she is getting mail? Some days she gets as many as 9 pieces of mail. After a few days of her calls, I ask my Mom what was she expecting and not getting in the mail?

“I’m not getting any condolence notes, where are they going?” Ah-ha! I now understood the question she was really trying to ask, but was unable to verbalize. I start by telling her that Dad died over a month ago, so the letters are going to slow down. “It’s been a month? I didn’t realize it had been that long.” On my next visit, we stack up the letters and cards so I can direct her to the pile to review when she calls. Discovered. 

Follow-up strategies:

1. Ask family and friends that send letters and notes to date the mailed items.
2. When friends ask what they can do to help – suggest they send notes. My Mom loves jokes as well as getting pictures. When sending a picture, tell a story about the event surrounding the picture and make sure to label the back of the picture with the event, date and names of those in the photograph.
3. Stack received mail in a prominent place near a favorite seating area (and direct them back to the stack of mail if they call you).

Do you have any strategies that have worked?