Now that I’m knee-deep in this adventure, I keep hearing first-person accounts of the crazy behavior of some people when they get dementia. When someone is particularly not nice, you always hear, “That is not how my mom ever behaved.”
It makes you wonder though. Is that really how they were, but you just never knew it?
I still catch myself wondering that some days. If she’s said something that strikes me particularly horrible, I immediately change the subject and try to delete it from my brain.
When I get home I re-read ALL the sites and resources that tell you behavioral changes are common with dementia.
I remind myself that I need to view my mom as someone with a head injury – because that is truly what she has.
When she says something that is particularly mean, I’m training myself to remember that she’s had a brain injury and for many parts of some days, she’s not my mom. Hardened.
You are doing the right thing in taking a step back and viewing her situation as a brain injury because that is exactly what it is. I wish with all my heart and soul that someone could have share this notion with me when I was in the thick of it with my mom. It would have made all the difference in the world in how I tried to support her and my father, and maybe we would not have spent the last few precious years of her life in such turmoil.
Unfortunately, it’s taken me years to figure this out!
Kay,
Thanks for sharing this story! I think my mom is more honest now and says what she really thinks sometimes. On the other hand, some of the comments are just confusion and not intended.
I took me a while to figure out how to stay engaged and not let some of the things she said deter me. This is how I cope with some of things that come out of her mouth — she really wasn’t like that before!