We are ready to move into the retirement community.

On a recent visit with my parents, my daughter performed her duties well as wingman and buffer. I’m still a little wary of what to expect on my visits and it turned out to be a pleasant visit. There was no mention of the letter they sent me, or any of the letters they must have gotten from my siblings.

I’m surprised when my husband tells me later that my mom called. It was in the evening but he reports she was very clear and knew she didn’t see him this morning when we visited. She even asked how he was doing. She told him she wanted me to come over to talk about moving full-time to the retirement community – TONIGHT. He told her I was at a tennis match, and then would be picking up our son and home late for dinner – he knew to nip this request in the bud. I’ve chased down this promise too many times before.

When I call them back, I work to confirm when I can stop by. Given that neither of them has any short-term memory, the likelihood that this conversation will be remembered is in the single-digit territory.

I’d love to say that this is a notable step toward the safety zone, but I won’t believe it until we move them into the retirement community full-time or accept someone who can help them (on a daily basis) navigate their day. Guarded.

8 thoughts on “We are ready to move into the retirement community.

  1. We are having the same issue of trying to get my folks to stop driving and move (hopefully) into their very nice retirement condo unit they have had for years. The problem is they treat it like a vacation getaway place, and not where they need to now reside full time. Because my parents have severe dementia and always deny their issues of getting lost in the car, or showing up at an emergency room not knowing why, etc, I will take a sampling of my mother’s letters where she outlines the issues and asks for help for herself and for my father.

    Again, the problem of showing up to provide help based on the letters or (sometimes), phone calls, my mother denies needing help and now (always) asks for “proof”. This visit I will bring proof of her many requests for help via her trail of letters. Not sure it will be effective, but I am going to try this approach.


      1. I am happy for you. I am going through such a stressful time – my family is so dysfunctional it’s a mess. Please keep us in your thoughts. Mom’s new aide started today (we can only afford three hours a day) – for two weeks until my cousin gets here while I take a much needed break and go visit my brother.

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