My mom’s not here

purgatoryWe are in Day 2 of purgatory. My parent’s were notified they will be transferred to Assisted Living and we are managing through “the day after notification”. Tomorrow, the movers will come.

After being notified by the Executive Director they were being transferred, my mom was angry and defiant and my dad was resigned to make the move without a fight. During the course of the day, my mom got my dad to agree that they should have 30 days to move. I would agree that seems fair, however, they can’t recall how many times the retirement community has encouraged them to make changes that would keep them in Independent Living (they refused to hire an aide several times).  They also do not remember (or believe when you tell them) what happened that forced the community to require them to move swiftly into Assisted Living.

We took the advice of the retirement community that suggested we communicate the news and make the move swiftly. My parents have lost the ability to plan ahead so we are just biding time until the movers show up tomorrow. In reality, the retirement community could move my parents without any notice if they are concerned for their safety or the safety of others.

My mom found the name of a lawyer listed in the resident’s directory and made an appointment for 1 PM today. What my mom failed to do was write down the appointment. She will be playing bridge and won’t be at the apartment when the lawyer is scheduled to arrive. My oldest brother, W., is on site to meet the lawyer.

At 12:30 my dad decides to go eat lunch so W. hangs back. The lawyer arrives at 1 PM and my brother greets him and tells him “My mom’s not here” but welcomes him into the apartment. During the course of the conversation, my brother suggests the lawyer talk with the retirement community staff and lets him know my parents have each been diagnosed with moderate dementia.

We wondered if we should have paid the lawyer for his time, but decide that we didn’t call him and had he done some qualification when my mom called him, he could have saved himself the trip. Averted.

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