The topic of when to move and why is a common discussion as our parents are aging and our friends are starting to discuss downsizing. In general, most people want to stay at home. However, there are quite a few issues to address from predatory service providers, socialization, and fall issues.
The issue that concerns me most are the single individuals living at home who don’t consider how long they might go without someone knowing to call for help. I have heard too many personal stories of loved ones being on the floor for so long it creates an open wound (this can be in just hours in an older adult) or another complication develops that radically changes their health. A wearable pendant with a push button won’t help someone who has a head injury so I also ask those individuals to consider the ones that will call you if a fall is detected. Unfortunately, you many find you are getting called more than you would like, but too many calls is better than zero should you need assistance.
However, I also have a dear client who moved into a community and I see how hard it is for her to make new friends. It’s clear to me that she has lost some short-term memory which can make it difficult to form new friendships. A recent news I read cited that “70 percent of residents have some degree of cognitive impairment” in Assisted Living communities.
With the average age of most Assisted Living communities in the 80s, it’s no wonder that the transition can be more difficult if the majority of the residents are unable to make new friends.
My mother who was the ultimate hostess and always taught me how important it is to make the new person feel welcomed had a very tough time connecting with the residents in her community. As her dementia progressed, she was unable to make connections. The hardest thing to witness was how much the other residents in Assisted Living avoided those with cognitive issues. I get it, but still don’t like it. I think because I have cared for two parents with dementia, I will always be sensitive to the isolation that they must feel and will make an effort to connect. What I don’t know is if my own cognitive changes might make me less compassionate when I’m in my 70s.
So now I’m wondering if moving earlier is better for the individual so they can develop new friendships and be more familiar with the community before they reach the critical time when living at home is just no longer an option due to safely issues or the costs of bringing the care needed to you. I wish there was a better way to determine what is the best option. For now, I think we all work to find the best options for our individual needs Wondered.
I’d love to hear what your family did or how you are making these choices. There is no right or wrong answer I don’t believe.
As you state, there is no wrong nor right answer.
One could move into ALF too early and find it depressing. One could move too late and feel out of touch and place. My Father moved when he was 85 and had only a few cognitive concerns. Within two years he moved from ALF side to a Memory Care wing. We wonder if he declined faster in the ALF because he was not happy with all of the different personalities and not having full control over his daily schedule. He was never one to socialize too much so he did not take advantage of many activities offered to him. At the end of the day we knew he was safest and best cared for in the ALF so we don’t think we would change the decision. Also, if one waits too long they may have fewer choices of facilities because, somewhat like a private school, the ALF can chose not to accept your loved one if they’re potentially going to be a more challenging resident.
Thank you for sharing. The journey is just different for everyone and it’s helpful to understand what others experienced. It’s so easy to look back and second guess everything.