The Dirty Remants of your Digital Footprint

digital printLast month, Google announced the provision for an inactive account manager. This offers a reasonable solution to the standard online user agreements that only allow one user and lock your account after inactivity. Bravo to Google who is the first to address this under-served need.

This is a larger issue for all of us and I will guess you may not have realized how this impacts your day-to-day life. It’s one of the biggest pain points my clients have faced when a loved one is incapacitated — if even only temporarily. But on a daily basis I speak with individuals who were unaware of how those user agreements might impact your digital account access.

Most couples are totally unaware that the two log-ins you use to access your joint bank account are really two separate accounts. For instance, did you know that any bill pay items set up under your username are not available or viewable to the person you share the account with?  This can create big headaches for families if there is a temporary crisis and you don’t know what electronic bills are already scheduled.

The proliferation of online accounts and a way to share or transfer these digital assets should be a growing concern to all bloggers and active online users. I previously posted a story on Who Controls your Digital Legacy from The New York Times. This story highlights the loss family members feel when they are locked out of a loved ones online life and how most of the user agreements you accepted have no solution for managing this issue.  Google is the first to set up a solution for the transfer of the information if the user chooses after inactivity.

In short, most “user agreements” only allow you to use the account you have created and your rights to that account are gone when you are unable to access them. I have faced the frustration that this limited user agreement offers and hope you will consider:

  1. Sharing usernames and passcodes to joint financial accounts. My husband and I share one online access account so we can both see the same information and bill payments. 
  2. Writing down and telling someone where you have put the information for your primary online accounts. This will allow your loved ones to easily manage a password reset to get into the account if needed.
  3. Noting which accounts are linked to credit cards. Last month, I left my business credit card at a restaurant and it was destroyed. When I got my new card, I could easily update my online accounts that used this card to pay for services without any interruption.

The Internet and mobile services we now have deliver many conveniences — however, it’s also created tentacles to our lives digitally that most are struggling to manage for themselves.

If you need any help in getting this information organized, consider getting the MemoryBanc Register which prompts you though the collection of this key information. If you would like to pull this together yourself, you can also download a free guide to help you collect the key information and accounts from our home page. Prepared.

 

Vote for MemoryBanc!

twitterHelp MemoryBanc win a $3,000 award by tweeting: “I vote for #GWMemoryBanc” now.  Voting closes on April 19, 2013 at 4:30 PM (ET).

We are competing today and you can watch the competition by visiting: http://www.gwbizplan.com/livestream/

Thank you for your support!

Will the Power of Attorney work when you need it to?

I beat the drum on the issue of a Durable Power of Attorney (DPOA). I had one for my parents, but one financial services firm rejected it because it was more than 2 years old, a second who said they won’t accept one more than 5 years old and their insurance firm said they would only accept the version they created. This statement shocks many who believe they are covered.

POAIf you have any concerns about your DPOA, I recommend you speak to a lawyer who is dedicated to the practice of Estate Planning. They should counsel you that there are some instances where you may need them to follow-up to ensure the DPOA is accepted. It’s one of many reasons to not use an online legal service for your estate planning needs.

When you are getting your wills, and power of attorney done, I strongly urge you to find a lawyer who ONLY focuses on Estate Planning. The state and federal laws and rulings are constantly changing and those issues are things the estate lawyer can help you with. We found one to get a DPOA for my parents that would be accepted by their banks and insurance company. If you had a heart condition, you would not go to a general practice doctor, you would see a cardiologist. Look at finding a lawyer who specialized in estate planning when you are updating these documents.

In reality, there is more to organizing your estate than just having the legal papers in place — you need to get it organized and setting up online access is a huge benefit to a loved one if they ever need to step in and assist you.

To learn more about the DPOA issues check out a story in The Wall Street Journal –  Power Grab! Signing Over Power of Attorney to a Loved One Has Never Been Trickier. Here’s What You Need to Know. 

To get your personal, financial, online, medical and household records organized so they are easier for you to access as well as share with or pass onto a loved one, visit www.MemoryBanc.com/Register 

Driven. 

Thanks for breakfast mom!

bacon and eggsI had a business appointment down the street from my parent’s retirement community so I told my parents I would join them for breakfast. I planned on meeting them at 9 a.m. I call in route and my mom says she’s looking forward to seeing me.

When I arrive, my mom is walking to her apartment with a piece of toast and bacon in her hand. She tells me she wants to drop it off and we need to hurry to get to breakfast. We drop off her bacon and toast and join my dad in the dining hall. I don’t ask any questions, I just follow her lead.

Apparently, breakfast stops being served at 9 a.m. My mom has a place ready for me with a plate of eggs, bacon and toast and tells me to sit down and eat. I start to decline and she tells me she already had some breakfast and that this plate of food is just for me.

There have been so many changes we are all adapting. Today, it was nice to have my mom serve me breakfast — it’s been a while. Touched. 

MemoryBanc named a finalist in the GW Biz Plan Competition

gwbizplanAs my parents have successfully adapted to their new living arrangements in Assisted Living, the business that I started in response to our situation is blossoming. 

To help fill in the gaps left by my durable power-of-attorney and modern-day business practices, I created a binder to organize and manage my parents personal, financial, medical, online and household needs.  Enough people asked me about it who were facing similar situations that I brought the product to market. Like any good entrepreneur, I was driven and started to sell the product but never stopped to finish the business plan.

As I entered 2013, my goal was to create more structure and a road map for MemoryBanc. I’m crazy competitive. Two friends who were helping me with the business teamed up with me to enter the GW Business Plan Competition.

The GW Business Plan Competition  is a series of educational events and active mentorship on new venture creation. This year, 109 entries were submitted in the first round, which concluded in January 2013. From those initial submissions, only 33 were invited to write full business plans, and from them, only 8 teams made it to the GW Business Plan Competition Finals. These 8 finalists, including MemoryBanc, will present their business plans and ideas to a panel of distinguished entrepreneurs, investors, venture capitalists, and GW alumni.

MemoryBanc will vie for $60,000 in cash prizes in the 2013 GW Business Plan Competition Finals that are being help Friday, April 19, 2013.

Date: April 19, 2013

Time: MemoryBanc will present around 3:00 PM and is the final team to present. There is the possibility they may present up to a half hour before or after this scheduled time.

Cost: Free

We would love for those of you that are in the metro DC area to join us. RSVP at http://2013gwbpc.eventbrite.com to save your spot! You will receive a name badge and can join the reception. EXCITED!

How did he do at the track meet?

trackMy parents have adjusted well to being in Assisted Living. On my last visit, I told my parents I would not see them over the weekend because my son was running in a state track meet a few hours away.  My mom made a note that I was leaving town on her calendar.

When I returned to visit after the meet, my mom asks how our son did at the track meet. I’m surprised and pleased that she remembered this. She had only noted I was out-of-town, not that my son was running in a track meet. Most of the time her facts are so jumbled, I second guess reality. Today, my mom is crystal clear and interested to know how our son did. I was pleased to report he did well and just happy to be able to have a real conversation with my mom.

While I was visiting, I stopped by the medical office to drop off some records.  The care manager tells me my mom visited and requested an appointment with the psychologist. My mom told the care manager she is afraid that something is wrong with her brain and wants to get it checked.

Over the past year, my mom has been with no less than 4 doctor’s who have diagnosed dementia. I wonder if she was so wired to resist and fight, she was unable to really understand or accept the information.  I have discussed these visits previously in I only saw the doctor to discuss your father; Can we see your daughter alone; Can the geriatrician help move our parent’s forward; and How many times can you hear you have dementia?

Simplifying their lives has made quite a change in my mom. Calmed.

Divide and Conquer and the Modern Family

My husband and I married in our thirties and we have the divide and conquer philosophy on many of the household duties. My friends and colleagues have mentioned divvying up financial and household matters. When Consumer Reports recently cited that only 30% of couples knew the major financial assets and how to access them, I was not surprised.

ModernFamilyWhile I hope we are not as wacky as the family on the TV show Modern Family, to this day, my husband and I still keep our own bank accounts that are jointly titled. We decided to make one the household bill pay account and the other the rainy day savings account.

I am the owner of the bill pay account. When we were first married, I would write checks twice a month. When my career put me on the road, my husband took over the bill-paying duties from “my account.” He immediately set up online bill pay. When my days of travel ended, I took back the bill pay duties. When I first logged in, I didn’t see any of the bill pay accounts. I had wrongly assumed that the bill pay accounts and pending transactions would be available for both online users to our joint checking account. That is not the case; you can only see the bill pay accounts created under your login. I immediately took over my husband’s username and now we both use one login. I’m now on a soapbox recommending this setup to all of my clients.

If either my husband or I were unable to pay the bills, the other could easily step in. Sharing usernames is against both of our banks’ user agreements and if I call for support, they won’t answer my questions because I am not allowed to be in my husband’s account. Silly! I’m not a big rule breaker, but that is one I break all the time.

Now that I am caring for my parents, the online access offered by every company and most state and federal services has been a major time and frustration saver for me. When my parents’ insurance company and the financial institutions that hold several investment accounts refused to accept my durable power of attorney (this is a lot more common than you can imagine and I will cover this next month), my dad worked with me to set up online access so I could act on my parents’ behalf.

Setting up online access to your accounts does not negate the need to have a current will or power of attorney. However, this information will make it infinitely simpler for someone to step in and help if you are unable to manage your accounts, if even only temporarily.

To get your details organized, you can download a free copy of the account and documents checklist, or order the MemoryBanc Register that will prompt you through the process.

I hope you will consider making this change to how you manage your household accounts and bill payments. It’s a kindness your loved ones will appreciate if the information is ever needed.

Sincerely,
– Kay
Kay Bransford
Chief Curator and Founder, MemoryBanc

Let’s go get groceries.

lady winter coatAfter a few days, I call my parents to see if they need to go get groceries or run errands. My mom answers the phone, “That would be great! You know we are in a new apartment now right?”

When I arrive my mom is happy to see me and we talk about what kinds of errands we need to run today. We create a list and my parent’s go to get a coat but neither can find a winter jacket. I hand my mom my coat and my dad grabs his windbreaker and we head out to the car.

The one thing we failed to move were winter coats. I’m not sure where to find them since both places are in the midst of major clean-up and organization. However, I’m happy to report that finding my parent’s winter coats is now my biggest concern. Relieved.

The secret life of my aging parents

secretIn the days following the initial move, my siblings and I started working through both their retirement apartment and their town home to clear up and prepare to sell, donate and close them out.

What quickly emerges is information about the daily life of our parents they have kept hidden from us for many years. Whether they did not remember or knowingly hid it is unknown. It makes me realize how much changed and how many cues I failed to recognize. Some of the changes happened so slowly, like the movement of a glacier, they were unnoticed until now when I can look back to see how much things had changed.

I openly admit to being dense when it comes to social cues. I recall how often my mom would ask me for a ride so I would pick her up and return her home when my dad could not make dinner due to his plans. When we found a repair bill during the home clean out, we see that my mom’s car had major front end repairs over three years ago. I never heard anything about this accident, my mom just seemed to like having other people drive her around and I never thought any more about it. I was actually thankful she asked for a ride.

As my brother starts reaching out to estate sale professionals, one of the firms tells him he’s been to my parent’s home many times and had dinner with them over the past year. I was very familiar with the firm and the owner because I’d been to many auctions with my parents. The news feels eerie.

I sure hope we already found out the worst of their secret life. Unsettled.

The retirement community handoff

handoffThe move was emotional for everyone. We would have preferred to not have to orchestrate this move to comply with the mandate by the retirement community, but all of our attempts leading up to this action failed. Our parents did not understand or were unable to accept the changes that needed to happen. For all of their promises that they would never put us in the position their parent’s placed them, we wish it had been as tame as the situations they faced with their parents. Their dual dementia’s made this situation so much worse.

Now that they are in Assisted Living, for the next few days, my siblings and I planned on going radio silent. We were facing the need to clean up and dispose of my parent’s townhouse, and their apartment in the retirement community. We needed to let the retirement community pick up where we left off.

For the past year, I received many phone calls from my parents. They always felt like a cry for help, and when I would show up to help I would typically be dismissed. My mom would never remember why she called and what she said on the phone call. I would cycle through periods where I just stopped answering the phone. Our test if this is working is to see how many calls I will receive (or not).

Within the first few days I have not heard  from my parents or the retirement community. I’m actually looking forward to visiting my parents in a few days. Liberated.

 

Dinner together rights many wrongs

family dinnerOne of the pillars of our upbringing was dinner together. We would have lively debates and exchanges over dinner. I believe it allowed us to manage many of the needs of our parents because as siblings we learned how to disagree with each other without being disagreeable.

Our safety hatch for the past few days was our parents love of meals with family. We used it to help us transition through many of the goals we set in getting our parents into the new apartment in Assisted Living. With more than one sibling at the table, we would talk about past vacations, friends and relatives. It allowed us to redirect the day and revisit some wonderful days in our past together.

On the move day I left before dinner, but my two brothers and sister joined my parents for dinner and walked them to their new apartment before saying good night. Succeeded.