There is no bottled miracle for memory

vialofpillsBeauty products have been referred to for decades as “Hope in a Jar.” I feel that same desire for memory loss cures and prevention. However, the scientific studies continue to find time and time again that none of the promises made by the supplements are working.

What a recent story from Consumer Reports suggested to do instead:

  • Brain Workouts.  Do something that will “enhance reasoning and memory-abilities” like learning a new language. They report that training can help processing speed and reasoning, but made sure to exclude “computerized brain games” from this recommendation.
  • Exercise Your Body. Physical activity can delay or slow cognitive decline, but not prevent it. I noticed for my Dad with Alzheimer’s how much better he did day-to-day when we got him to the racquetball court.  I think most of us recognize the feeling of well-being we get from exercise, even though we may curse it while we are in it.
  • Manage Blood Pressure. Reducing your risk of heart disease and stroke help since they are major risk factors for memory loss.

However, I do see reports and hear from my colleagues how some new treatments are showing some promise with their clients. As I interpret it, the idea is to basically clean your body of toxins that might be impacting your memory. After seeing the number of kids with nut-allergies mushroom in the past two decades, I have been wondering how the ways in which we package and store food and the products we use on our skin might be impacting our health.

I’d love to hear from caregivers if you have seen good success with one of these newer treatments for your loved one. Curious. 

Even Savvy Adults Get Fooled by Imposter Scams

A girlfriend shared how her mom, who she thought was of sound mind, was fooled into thinking that she (my girlfriend) had been kidnapped. They tried to get her mom to a check cashing place to wire money for her release.

Thankfully, her mom navigated it well but it was a quite a traumatic event. Her mom lives in a condo and kept the fraudster on the phone while she went down to the concierge who called the police. However, she was wondering if her mom was really of sound mind if she fell for this.

I confirmed to her that really smart people can be victims of this scam because the fraudsters are so good. In fact the FTC reported that the kidnapping scam is the top “Imposter Scam” for 2017 and cost Americans at least $328 million.

As a Daily Money Manager, I work with older adults in their homes and one of the first things I do is implement a call screening solution. In metro-DC, I can implement Nomorobo which is free service from Verizon. The Nomorobo website can help you find out if you can get their free service in your area.

You will immediately notice the quiet once you implement this feature in your own home.

If you can’t get a service like Nomorobo, you can purchase a call blocking device like Sentry 2 that lets you blacklist numbers. It does require that you tag calls to the “blacklist” to block, and you can also add numbers and only get calls from those on your “whitelist”. It can fill the need but does require assistance to be effective.

Two other simple options include:

  1. Sign up for “Anonymous Call Rejection” with your local carrier. This service rejects calls from anyone that has blocked their caller ID information. It is usually something you can enable using *77 but varies by provider.
  2. Never answer the phone if they don’t recognize the number.  Real people trying to reach you will leave a message.

Eventually, I think the FTC might start requiring phone companies to offer more protections for their clients. They have admitted the “Do No Call” list is a total failure. Technology improvements are great … it just stinks that crooks are always looking for ways to separate us from our money. For now, it’s our job to help protect ourselves and our loved ones.

For more on this topic, check out this story:

How to Avoid Becoming a Victim of a Virtual Kidnapping Scam The Washington Post

Impostor Scams Net $328 Million

scamalertA girlfriend just shared how her mom, who is in good health and of sound mind, received a call that she (my girlfriend) had been kidnapped. They wanted her mom to immediately drive to a check cashing place and wire money for her release. Her mom tried to text and call on a second phone, by her daughter was in an appointment with her phone off.  Thankfully, her mom navigated it well but it was a quite a traumatic event. Her mom lives in a condo and kept the people on the phone while she went down to the concierge who called the police and helped. However, she was wondering if her mom was really of sound mind if she fell for this.

I confirmed to her that really smart people can be victims of this scam because the fraudsters are so good. In fact the FTC reported that the kidnapping scam is the top “Imposter Scam” for 2017 and cost Americans at least $328 million.

For those of us caring or concerned about loved ones that live alone, I hope you will consider how you can implement a call screening service or device to help eliminate these callers. I implemented this system in my own home and never answer an unidentified call at home or on my mobile phone.

As a Daily Money Manager, I work with older adults in their homes and one of the first things I do is implement a call screening solution. In metro-DC, I can implement Nomorobo which is free service from Verizon. The Nomorobo website can help you find out if you can get their free service in your area.

If you can’t get a service like Nomorobo, you can purchase a call blocking device like Sentry 2 that lets you blacklist numbers. It does require that you tag calls to the “blacklist” to block, and you can also add numbers and only get calls from those on your “whitelist”. It can fill the need but does require assistance to be effective.

Two other simple options include:

  1. Sign up for “Anonymous Call Rejection” with your local carrier. This service rejects calls from anyone that has blocked their caller ID information. It is usually something you can enable using *77 but varies by provider.
  2. Suggesting they never answer the phone if they don’t recognize the number.  A doctor, or friend will leave a message and they can easily call back

For many, the comfort of home and the costs can make aging in place the best choice. However, there are many things to consider to make sure our loved ones are safe. Advised. 

For more on this topic, check out this story:

How to Avoid Becoming a Victim of a Virtual Kidnapping Scam The Washington Post

I could finally let it go.

keywallet2I have a host of small memento’s to my parent’s lives all over my home. Last month I saw that I still had my dad’s key wallet when I was digging through the key drawer. It’s in sad shape and had been when my Dad still carried it with him. What used to hold seven keys was now only managing two — and one of them was to a storage closet in their retirement community that was no longer theirs, but it didn’t matter so on the key wallet it remained.

That key wallet was part of my Dad’s habits. He never misplaced it, and always picked it up and put it in his pocket when we left their apartment … all the way into a moderate stage of Alzheimer’s. When I saw it last month, I thought about dropping it into the trash, but just wasn’t ready to do it. It brought to me a host of great memories.

It ended up in my key drawer because after my Dad passed away and my Mom came across it in her apartment, she asked me to take it to him in the hospital. The months after my Dad passed away were really difficult for us all, but most for my Mom who couldn’t remember he had died, because she was in a moderate stage of Vascular Dementia.

Why would I want to keep it?

I could still imagine it in my Dad’s hand and then him quickly dropping it into his pocket. When I held it, I could imagine he was still here for a moment. So I put it back in the key drawer. I wasn’t ready to toss it quite yet.

When my husband decides to attack the key drawer today, I notice this is sitting in the odd-ball pile. I pick it up, exhale, and let it drop into the trash. I’m ready to let go of this memento.

I don’t need to hold onto this sad key wallet with useless keys. I have a host of rich memories and traditions that allow me to let go and move on. It’s time. Celebrated. 

Another reason to eat our veggies!

leafygreensResearchers at Rush University Medical School in Chicago found that “one serving of leafy greens a day may slow brain aging by 11 years.”  I initially read the story in The Washington Post that reported “eating as little as one and one half cups of lettuce daily — or a bit more than half a cup of dark leafy greens — may delay the decline in memory and thinking skills that occur with age.”

For those of us with family members with any form of dementia, any and all proven methodologies are gladly received.

The report from Rush states that “cognitive abilities naturally decline with age” which is not the same as the wording in the The Washington Post story that gives you the impression that our memory will decline with age. I see and hear people buy into this belief too often.

In general, our processing speed does slow down staring in our 50s, but memory loss is not a normal consequences of aging. To quote Dr. Green of Total Brain Health, most of us have a “getting problem, not a ‘forgetting’ problem.” There are many things we can do to rev up our recall, and lots of reasons why we might not remember something which doesn’t mean we are showing early signs of dementia.

If you are having memory concerns, go see your doctor. If they don’t take your concerns seriously, ask for a referral to a neurologist. There are many mild cognitive issues that are reversible.

I watched as the doctor’s dismissed the overwhelming number of early warning signs for my parents and hope everyone has a better chance to battle and weather the life-stealing  beast of dementia.

Now off to the store to buy me some greens. Hungered. 

For more on the full report, you can visit: Neural and behavioral bases of age differences in perceptions of trust.  In summary:

“Older adults are disproportionately vulnerable to fraud, and federal agencies have speculated that excessive trust explains their greater vulnerability.

Two studies, one behavioral and one using neuroimaging methodology, identified age differences in trust and their neural underpinnings. Older and younger adults rated faces high in trust cues similarly, but older adults perceived faces with cues to
untrustworthiness to be significantly more trustworthy and approachable than younger adults. This age-related pattern was mirrored in neural activation to cues of trustworthiness. Whereas younger adults showed greater anterior insula activation to untrustworthy versus trustworthy faces, older adults showed muted activation of the anterior insula to untrustworthy faces. The insula has been shown to support interoceptive awareness that forms the basis of “gut feelings,” which represent expected risk and predict risk-avoidant behavior. Thus, a diminished “gut” response to cues
of untrustworthiness may partially underlie older adults’ vulnerability to fraud.”

When banks prioritize their interests over customer service, we all lose.

wells_fargo_realityI have yet to be convinced that the default process being used by banks put into place to protect our accounts is reasonable. Today reminded me of how frustrating it is to deal with Wells Fargo in particular.

My client wanted me to step in as POA to help on her accounts, so we went to the bank and set it up so I could easily act on her behalf. She was with me and we used the Wells Fargo form to set it up and the whole process took an hour–it should have taken 10 minutes. The first banker had no idea how to even do it, so we waited for the “senior banker”.  The “senior banker” had to call the “back office” to be walked through the process.

My client has estate plans and a trust in place, but her son is not in the area. I was stepping in to help while she was transitioning from her home into a life care community.  We are on the other side of the transition and now that Wells Fargo has the Trust and all the beneficiaries is in alignment with her plans, I wanted to step down as POA.

I visited the bank to resign thinking it would be relatively easy. The first appointment took over an hour as I first had to wait for the “senior banker”, and then we sat on the phone as he called the “back office” to get tutored on what to do. I was told I had to bring in a letter formally resigning. They didn’t have a form, or any further instructions.

When I returned with my “resignation letter” I was working with a different banker.  While thankfully, I was attended to right away, we then had to wait on hold in the queue for the “back office” for 25 minutes. This time the “back office” tells us there are specific things that had to be included in the resignation. My typed up letter put her name in the header, not in the sentence, so that letter didn’t work. After 45 minutes, I am really annoyed since the “letter requirements” were not provided to me on my first visit.

This banker understands my frustration and grabs a piece of paper and asks me to hand write the resignation.

Ummmm, you mean I could have done that on the first visit?

Yes, I could have. He is now talking with a contact at “document review” to finish the process to complete what Wells Fargo needs to complete the resignation.

Prompts to the banker who helped me on this last visit. He is the kind of banker you want, but the Wells Fargo systems are a hindrance to building a positive relationship with CUSTOMERS.

I am frustrated. Wells Fargo is doing this for THEM, not for my CLIENT, or for ME. We are both customers. For the millions of caregivers who are going to have to go through this laborious process, be forewarned and do it before you need it. It only gets harder.

I miss the smaller bank I used to work with. I came first. I’ve also seen this with my clients and colleagues. The big name banks prioritize their interests and procedure before customer service.   

** I left my smaller bank because their online banking was very difficult to use and unreliable. Open to recommendations for banks in the NoVA!

Why Auto-Debit is a Bad Idea.

autopayI understand how easy it is to “set-it and forget it” so you never miss a payment.  However, in reality, you have set up a system that no one is minding and there are many ways for scams and fraud to sneak into your life.

I have talked with adult children who have either helped mom and dad set this up to avoid missing or late payments, as well as heard from older adults that this is their plan B should they have a crisis.

It seems like a simple solution, but I want you to be forewarned that there are risks associated. Last year I started working with a new client to find that she was still paying for Juno.  Yeah, she was paying $9.95 a month for dial-up service, even through she had wifi in her home and had for years. We also found a monthly “shipping service” billing her $24.95 monthly she didn’t use, and several hundred dollars in ongoing charitable contributions she didn’t realize she was making.  If you want to set up an auto-debit, do it for an amount that will cover the minimum payment and plan to review the statements before you pay the balance.

In an audit of 20 new clients, I had only one that did’t have a variety of charges on their credit account they couldn’t explain. As we investigate those charges, they realize they were paying for things they don’t use, or worse, never recalled subscribing to ongoing payments.

What’s the harm? Over the course of a year, it’s typically over one thousand dollars. In a few cases this year, I had clients who it was costing several thousands dollars a year. Charities, face creams, supplements, a shipping service, iTunes/App subscriptions … it’s easy to get lost in the list of charges. The scammers are crafty.

I understand wanting to simplify and make things easier, but when it comes to money, you need to make sure someone is minding your finances, or you may find there are several sticky fingers in the till.

If you have a loved one that needs some help, Daily Money Managers are insured and guided by professional ethics to represent their clients best interests. I have yet to find a client where I didn’t save them more money than my time cost. Here is a link to a directory of professionals in the United States. Referred.  

 

 

Wells Fargo is More Focused on THEIR Process than Serving ME

I have yet to be convinced that the default process being used by banks put into place to protect our accounts is reasonable. Today reminded me of how frustrating it is to deal with Wells Fargo in particular.

My client wanted me to step in as POA to help on her accounts, so we went to the bank and set it up so I could easily act on her behalf. She was with me and we used the Wells Fargo form to set it up and the whole process took an hour–it should have taken 10 minutes. The first banker had no idea how to even do it, so we waited for the “senior banker”.  The “senior banker” had to call the “back office” to be walked through the process.

My client has estate plans and a trust in place, but her son is not in the area. I was stepping in to help while she was transitioning from her home into a life care community.  We are on the other side of the transition and now that Wells Fargo has the Trust and all the beneficiaries is in alignment with her plans, I wanted to step down as POA.

I visited the bank to resign thinking it would be relatively easy. The first appointment took over an hour as I first had to wait for the “senior banker”, and then we sat on the phone as he called the “back office” to get tutored on what to do. I was told I had to bring in a letter formally resigning. They didn’t have a form, or any further instructions.

wells_fargo_realityWhen I returned with my “resignation letter” I was working with a different banker.  While thankfully, I was attended to right away, we then had to wait on hold in the queue for the “back office” for 25 minutes. This time the “back office” tells us there are specific things that had to be included in the resignation. My typed up letter put her name in the header, not in the sentence, so that letter didn’t work. After 45 minutes, I am really annoyed since the “letter requirements” were not provided to me on my first visit.

This banker understands my frustration and grabs a piece of paper and asks me to hand write the resignation.

Ummmm, you mean I could have done that on the first visit?

Yes, I could have. He is now talking with a contact at “document review” to finish the process to complete what Wells Fargo needs to complete the resignation.

Prompts to the banker who helped me on this last visit. He is the kind of banker you want, but the Wells Fargo systems are a hindrance to building a positive relationship with CUSTOMERS.

I am frustrated. Wells Fargo is doing this for THEM, not for my CLIENT, or for ME. We are both customers. For the millions of caregivers who are going to have to go through this laborious process, be forewarned and do it before you need it. It only gets harder.

I miss the smaller bank I used to work with. I came first. I’ve also seen this with my clients and colleagues. The big name banks prioritize their interests and procedure before customer service.  Totally Annoyed. 

** I left my smaller bank because their online banking was very difficult to use and unreliable. Open to recommendations for banks in the NoVA!

Joy is the Decisive Test

joykidThe path for every individual and family is unique in caring for a loved one. Some families have unlimited resources while others have finite resources and must choose from within the options they can afford.

I’m often asked “When is it time to move into a community?” For some, never, and for others the earlier the better. I have seen with my family and with clients that when there is cognitive decline, it can be hard to adapt to a memory care community. Sometimes waiting longer can make it harder.

I am still surprised when I tell others how happy my parent’s were AFTER they were required to move from Independent Living to Assisted Living. I was physically ill days leading up to the move and my mom was incredibly angry. Thankfully, all three of my siblings came to town to help them move from their very large double apartment in Independent Living to a one bedroom in Assisted Living.

The change in my mom was immediate. The smaller world to manage and the view of front entrance to the community gave her something to watch. I was surprised at how quickly they forgot their old apartment.

I do know that sometimes it cannot be the decision of the individual whether or not to move. Sometimes a spouse isn’t ready for the change, or they feel like it is their responsibility to maintain the prior life.

Whatever the circumstances of your decision, I hope that you can consider how much meaning and purpose factors in to the joy your loved one can still experience. Is trying to maintain the former life overwhelming? Might their be other options to fill their day that will bring them joy where they are?

Just remember that you will make the best decision you can with the information you have at the time in which you need to make a choice. Caregiving is hard. Reminded. 

Is someone taking advantage of a loved one?

familyfraudmemeI see reports about fraud in the family and am never sure who has the right stats. The National Council of Aging reports one set of metrics, and a recent report from AARP says that 75 percent of the abuse is committed by family, friend, or neighbor.

Regardless of the figures, I hope that everyone considers having two set’s of independent eyes on the money. In my family, I did the day-to-day finances, but my siblings had access too, and I reported on the cash flow and expenses. We thankfully, all got along.

For families with siblings that won’t work well together, it might help to look outside the family to set up a way to report on the money. That is one reason I get hired as a Daily Money Manager. I work with the parent, but report to the sibling/financial advisor/estate lawyer. It helps to have two independent individuals with oversight and to provide checks and balances. Hiring a professional can eliminate the conflict that comes with disagreements about money.

I’m troubled as a family caregiver to hear that family is taking advantage of a loved one financially. The story FRAUD in The Family (Feb. 2018) from AARP is a good lesson in the many ways estate plans might fail to serve your best interests.

If you are worried about a loved one, some suggestions include:

  1. Stay in Touch. You will be surprised by what they might share with you or overhear when you are calling. Skype and Facetime are very helpful since they also let you see the individual as well as get a look at their surroundings to know if the home is being maintained.
  2. Understand Cognitive Decline. In general, the processing in our brains slows and most notice changes starting in our 50s. If you are noticing cognitive issues or trouble with bills and managing the checkbook, you can suggest getting some help with the day-to-day finances. Beware of setting up auto-payments since once this is done, most people stop looking at their checking and credit card statements. That is very problematic due to the number of fraudsters and scammers. I have only had 1 client this year that wasn’t being charged for things they didn’t order or want.
  3. Who is in the House? From caregivers that aren’t properly vetted, to renters who are stealing — Understanding who is in the home is important. It helps to take a photo inventory, as well as make frequent and unannounced visits should you find someone is stealing from a loved one.

It stinks that we have to layer onto the loss by bringing in additional oversight and protection. However, it is one way you can ensure your loved one is well-served. Suggested. 

 

Why Auto-Debit is a Bad Habit

In my work as a Daily Money Manager, I meet with people who have set up auto-payments on their credit cards and have no idea about the source of several charges. In an audit of 20 new clients, I had only 1 that did’t have a variety of charges on their credit account they couldn’t explain. As we investigate those charges, they realize they were for things they don’t use, or worse, never recalled subscribing to.

This is the “set it and forget it” option.

What’s the harm? Over the course of a year, it’s typically over one thousand dollars. In a few cases this year, I had clients who it was costing several thousands dollars a year. Charities, face creams, supplements, a shipping service, iTunes/App subscriptions … it’s easy to get lost in the list of charges. The scammers are crafty.

The most frustrating are the charities. I find that many clients don’t realize they were giving to a charity every month. This usually happens to those that respond to phone solicitors. Somewhere in the conversation, you might have agreed to make the donation every month.

You hate to tell someone to cancel funding a good cause, however, many of the people I work with need to focus on funding their care for the rest of their lives, and that few hundred dollars a month can make a big difference over the coming years.

I get it! Life is busy. I have set up and use auto-debits, but in particular for credit cards, I set it at a modest amount so that if I miss the payment, I have at least met the minimum payment. This forces me to review my bills every month to make sure no nefarious charges are showing up. If I don’t recognize something, I call the phone number that is listed on the bill.

If you see something, do something!  In the end, you will be rewarded for your efforts. It’s up to you to keep a close eye on your credit and finances, if you don’t, someone else may!