Simple Ways to Protect Finances.

While likely under-reported, the National Council on Aging estimates elder financial abuse and fraud costs to older Americans range from $2.9 billion to $36.5 billion annually. Older American’s that have been abused have a 300% higher risk of death when compared to those who have not been mistreated.

After caring for two parents with dementia, I remind myself how much the checkbook meant to my mother. She had always managed the household finances and pointing out to her that she was failing to manage the finances was something that needed to be left unsaid. If you are concerned, first work with the person to support their efforts before suggesting they hand over the checkbook and finances. Some easy ways to help may be:

  • Create a monthly schedule of bills and maintenance due dates
  • Log in to the banking websites and credit card sites to monitor spending and confirm no fraudulent or suspicious transactions and fill in the bill pay gaps
  • Set up a checking account they can use that has a minimal balance to keep in their purse or wallet for writing checks and use a different account for bill pay needs

My mother kept losing her purse that included her checkbook. So dealing with that was very time consuming. My Dad recognized this and took me to the bank to set up a new checking account for my Mom. We funded it as she needed money but no longer had to worry that the account that received their retirement funds and paid for the mortgage was at risk. We automated many of the home bills (mortgage, utilities) and I would monitor the spending behind the scenes.

Utimately, I wanted to help but not be invasive or diminish my parent’s ability to manage their finances.

Some other tools to consider include:

  • Get a tile and insert it into the wallet so you can easily find it if it get’s misplaced. You can use their online portal to track it’s location.  
  • Set up a TrueLink card. It is basically a pre-funded credit card where you can set up limits on how much can be charged as well as products and services that it won’t fund. There is a fee for it, but the small expense is worth the money it will most likely save in potential losses.

If you have a variety of personal care assistants coming into the home, or your loved one is in a community, I hope you will consider some of these options.

I have worked with families both at home and living in communities that have been a victim of caregiver exploitation. One got my client to write her a small check, one purchased some face cream for my client and asked her for repayment of $85, and another apparently kept asking for gas money. Most agencies and communities require their caregivers agree to never accept money or gifts from clients. Should a client give them money, it needs to be reported to the community or agency. In one month, I had to report three caregivers for violating this condition of employment. Sadly, I know they will just turn up at another agency.

Managing the finances for many may be one of the few remaining freedoms that offer a sense of control. Some are giving up car keys, volunteer activities they love, hobbies they can no longer maintain and the checkbook can offer an empowered sense of self.

If you have been diagnosed, or are a family member and unable to do this for your loved one, you can contact a Daily Money Manager who can fill this roll.

With billions at risk, take some time to ensure someone is minding the finances. I hope these options help you and your loved ones. Suggested.

Is “rational suicide” the only option?

death

For those of us caring for loved ones with dementia, we are often fighting a battle to honor their wishes and ensure the best life they can lead. My mother started joking about how we should take her out in my early 20s. I lived near my parents and saw them two and three times a week as an adult. My life as a caregiver started in my late 40s.

My Mom was the most vocal. She would often see something and say “If that happens to me, take me out.”  She gave me choices over the years from “push Granise’s chest on me” to “put a pillow over my head”.

As the dementia started to win, I had many discussions with my siblings over my angst. Mom was very clear, but I had no way to honor her wishes … without possibly going to prison.

I have talked about many of the choices we can make to better align with a loved ones wishes previously, but am always happy to share for anyone struggling with something right now. Please know you will make the best choice you can with the information you have today. Those you are caring for are lucky to have you in their life.

If you have something you’d like to discuss, put your notes in comments and I will respond (just put PRIVATE if you do not want it shared as a comment on this post).

Apparently, there is a growing movement for “rational suicide”. You can learn more about this in an article from The Washingon Post. I have internally grappled with this idea for years. I applaud the move to assisted suicide, but someone with any form of cognitive impairment doesn’t qualify. I think this is incredibly unfair, but have no idea how we solve it.

I in no way want to diminish the move to help individuals that are suffering with suicidal thoughts. I believe it is a mental illness that has sadly hit very close to my own home.

So now I feel compelled to give air to this topic. We should not be forcing people to commit “rational suicide” if they have passed a threshold in which everyday living requires them to rely on others to be. I know I would LOVE an option as would many of the individuals and families I work with daily.

Anyone out there with some options? Wished.