Tag: aging life care manager

Create a Roadmap to Your Important Information

The “Save It or Shred It” guide has been updated 2020 and you can download a free copy of this white paper to help understand:

  • Why it is important for every adult to organize their personal information
  • Which papers are important to gather
  • What information you should document/record
  • Which papers to keep and which documents you should shred

The reality is that MOST of us will need someone to have this information so they can help us. Many of you have probably already experienced this. You need to step in and help someone, and the hardest part is getting a handle on the information you need to help them.

When you are done, I promise you the roadmap you create will save you TONS of time and frustration. Shared.

Simple Ways to Protect Finances.

While likely under-reported, the National Council on Aging estimates elder financial abuse and fraud costs to older Americans range from $2.9 billion to $36.5 billion annually. Older American’s that have been abused have a 300% higher risk of death when compared to those who have not been mistreated.

After caring for two parents with dementia, I remind myself how much the checkbook meant to my mother. She had always managed the household finances and pointing out to her that she was failing to manage the finances was something that needed to be left unsaid. If you are concerned, first work with the person to support their efforts before suggesting they hand over the checkbook and finances. Some easy ways to help may be:

  • Create a monthly schedule of bills and maintenance due dates
  • Log in to the banking websites and credit card sites to monitor spending and confirm no fraudulent or suspicious transactions and fill in the bill pay gaps
  • Set up a checking account they can use that has a minimal balance to keep in their purse or wallet for writing checks and use a different account for bill pay needs

My mother kept losing her purse that included her checkbook. So dealing with that was very time consuming. My Dad recognized this and took me to the bank to set up a new checking account for my Mom. We funded it as she needed money but no longer had to worry that the account that received their retirement funds and paid for the mortgage was at risk. We automated many of the home bills (mortgage, utilities) and I would monitor the spending behind the scenes.

Utimately, I wanted to help but not be invasive or diminish my parent’s ability to manage their finances.

Some other tools to consider include:

  • Get a tile and insert it into the wallet so you can easily find it if it get’s misplaced. You can use their online portal to track it’s location.  
  • Set up a TrueLink card. It is basically a pre-funded credit card where you can set up limits on how much can be charged as well as products and services that it won’t fund. There is a fee for it, but the small expense is worth the money it will most likely save in potential losses.

If you have a variety of personal care assistants coming into the home, or your loved one is in a community, I hope you will consider some of these options.

I have worked with families both at home and living in communities that have been a victim of caregiver exploitation. One got my client to write her a small check, one purchased some face cream for my client and asked her for repayment of $85, and another apparently kept asking for gas money. Most agencies and communities require their caregivers agree to never accept money or gifts from clients. Should a client give them money, it needs to be reported to the community or agency. In one month, I had to report three caregivers for violating this condition of employment. Sadly, I know they will just turn up at another agency.

Managing the finances for many may be one of the few remaining freedoms that offer a sense of control. Some are giving up car keys, volunteer activities they love, hobbies they can no longer maintain and the checkbook can offer an empowered sense of self.

If you have been diagnosed, or are a family member and unable to do this for your loved one, you can contact a Daily Money Manager who can fill this roll.

With billions at risk, take some time to ensure someone is minding the finances. I hope these options help you and your loved ones. Suggested.

Moving into a Care Community that Matches Your Current Need

The move discussion is difficult for many couples and families. I did a three-part series on the topic to help provide a quick overview into some of the key learnings I have discovered. Here are the first two:
1) The Angsty Discussion About Moving: Life Care Communities
2) Moving Choices: Aging in Place – Part 2 of 3
and today is a final consideration on planning.

I do recommend you consider hiring a local Aging Life Care Manager to help navigate these choices and the current community options near you or your loved ones. I worked with one to help with my Mom and have seen them help with this discussion and process over and over with many clients.

The One Client Story That Illustrates How This Can Work

I started to work with Marge when she was living in her home. She had missed some bills, overpaid others, and was giving out her credit card number over the phone to charities daily.

After a year, it was time that she moved into an Assisted Living Community because living at home was just no longer a safe choice at 89. The new community was a combination of Assisted Living and Memory Care residents. She initially moved into an Assisted Living apartment but after about a month would wake up in the middle of the night and wander the halls in her nightgown worrying and sometimes tried to leave. They moved her into the Memory Care community so she would have more support and she would be in a secure section of the building. However it was hard for her to get integrated into a group of women and eventually she managed to actually break out. The community was just no longer a good fit so the Aging Life Care Managers searched for a better fit.

In addition to not really finding companionship with other residents, Marge had to pay for additional personal care assistance. Her monhtly community fees with the extra staff support now rang in at over $20,000 a month.

Six months ago she moved into a residential setting. She lives in a home with 5 other women with moderate stages of dementia and it’s a great fit for her needs. While this was not the right place for her initially, it is right now given how her dementia has progressed and the type of personal care that is best for her.

There is an Aging Life Care Manager who has been helping the family along the way, and while everyone thought the first community move was a great choice – and it was a great fit for a while – eventually it just wasn’t the right place for her needs.

Now at 93, we hope that she has made her last move. However, considering a move to a better fit is still an option and if she ever needed Skilled Nursing care. Her new community is now a third of the cost and she has found a loving group of residents and caregivers that are helping her find some happiness daily. It is the ideal fit for her right now.

I’m in the metro-DC area and we now of dozens of choices. I’m amazed at how many communities are still arriving.

Please know that you will make the best choice you can with the information you have at the time you need to make a decision. It will be easy to look in the rearview mirror and second guess choices made. I hope this has given you some insight into how to look at living options if you have loved ones living with dementia. Hoped.

What I Wish I Knew When Dementia was Diagnosed: Find Joy in the Journey (#3)

journeyjoyThe last of the three things I wish I knew when my parents were simultaneously diagnosed with dementia was how important it was to find joy in the journey for everyone.

The care aspect for me, unfortunately, eclipsed my recognition that my time would have been better spent enjoying my parents. I spent a lot of time managing medical appointments and follow-ups, and I wish I would have instead used it to take Dad to a movie, or play cards with my Mom.

My parents thankfully had the means to pay for me to bring in an Aging Life Care Manager, but at the time I didn’t even know they existed. What I do know is that once I finally learned and recognized how they could help, I had already spent weeks of personal time trying to manage medical issues for my parents who could no longer be their own advocates.

After bringing in an Aging Life Care Manager, I saw how they could find a solution or resolve an issue that was taking me hours to troubleshoot. They are typically social workers and Nurses who are trained and certified experts in aging well.  You can search for one in your area here. 

I still remember the ache of missing my parents when they were sitting in front of me. The dementia had changed their personalities and behavior but often glimpses of the parent I knew would shine through.

There were hilarious and devastating moments.  I learned how to laugh and bring my parents in on the humor and worked very hard to shield them from the moments when my grief would bring me to tears.

You don’t know what you don’t know (and I certainly didn’t at the time). I hope my three wishes can help better serve you and your loved ones after a diagnosis of dementia. Refected.

Learn How to Advocate for your Medical Needs – Healthy Habit #20

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The days of the family doctor are gone. Most doctors are crushed for time as they try to address your needs in what feels like a shrinking time window. The average time physicians are spending with patients is less than 24 minutes. According to The Medscape Physician Compensation Report 2017. Thirty percent of physicians spend 17 – 24 minutes with their patients. That is followed by 29 percent of physicians who are spending between 13 – 16 minutes with patients.

Here is a quick primer on 6 Ways to Be Your Own Health Advocate by Elizabeth Renter. In short, you need to arrive prepared and refuse to leave until you have a diagnosis or next step toward one. You may need to repeat this cycle if your condition persists. 

You have probably noticed that no one seems to do more than glance at the 4 (plus) pages you diligently completed before your appointment. After caring for my parents and navigating a host of doctors with them, I learned to come prepared for each appointment. I could quickly cite their health issues, medicines, and stated the reason for our visit. I learned that if the doctor in front of me could not resolve the issue, I would find a secondary resource to help.

It is now the requirement of every adult to be their own advocate. The healthcare system is unable to do that for you.

When it comes to short-term memory issues (remember this is not a normal consequence of aging) it is important to push to get diagnosed. It could be a side-effect from a medicine — and it can happen with medicines you have taken for years. If you notice a change, bring it up with your primary care physician. Some will do a screening for it, but I recommend you request a referral to a neurologist. Memory issues are not really a primary care physician’s expertise. The earlier you know you have an issue, the earlier YOU can decide how you want to live should it be permanent and should you decline.

This ideal applies to any medical issue that is impacting your quality of life. Push to find a reason and understand how it may impact the rest of your life.

If you know this is not your skillset, or are overwhelmed by other matters, consider a consultation with an Aging Life Care Manager. In minutes they would resolve issues that I failed to unravel in days when it came to caring for my parents. Visit this website to find one located near you.

Can you eventually figure it out? Most likely. I know because before I knew about Aging Life Care Managers, I was working to handle a lot of the issues as the primary family caregiver for my parents. However, I would do anything to have a mulligan and spend that time enjoying my parents’ company instead of fretting over the next medical hurdle to traverse. Wished.

Be Mindful of Remaining a Spouse/Daughter/Son

transportchairI was asked to participate in a panel discussion called “Help Mom & Dad Make All the Right Moves” with a doctor who serves the senior community, and a life care manager. In the closing segment, we were asked to share one piece of advice for a fellow son or daughter about our caregiving journey. The doctor, Steven Simmons shared that you need to remember to be the son or daughter. He went on to share how difficult it is for him to not be the doctor and how he just faced a crisis with his mom and worked really hard to be the son not the M.D. He said he worked quickly to bring in another doctor so he could be the son.

I was shaking my head in agreement as he spoke. I have shared this with the professionals that did come in to help me through pivotal moments. I have confessed to them that looking back, I wished I used them more. I wanted to help and so many of the things seemed simple, but one of my biggest regrets is not having a life care manager manage all of my mom’s medical needs.

The last year of my mom’s life she was in and out of hospice care … the palliative kind … which is now very common to help older adults live comfortably for issues that medical interventions can’t cure. So we had a hospice doctor that would visit her in the community. However, there was also a community doctor, and some minor issues, seemed to keep getting lost between the two doctors. Every month, I was spending several hours trying to chase down these minor health care issues which took away time from visiting my mom. I was at her community, but not even in the presence of my mom. Over the course of the year, maybe it would have cost a few thousand to have someone else take her out for the medical follow-ups, chase down and get answers to the minor issues that needed resolution. Mom had the means to pay for it, and I should have used it so I could have been the daughter.

Yes, a son or daughter should be counted on to do those things. However, I am still raising kids, running a business, and was trying to lead a life too. Now that mom is gone, I wish I had a do-over and instead spent the time with her, not on managing her care needs.

While an aging life care manager does have an hourly rate between $135 – $185, they can resolve issues quickly. There were so many things I learned on my journey, but, at the end of the day, I might have better served me and my mom if I brought in someone to handle certain aspects of her care.

At the time, I made the best decision I could with the information I had. Reviewed.