The community around my parents is starting to notice the change. My mom is even skinnier than she was at “frail,” and the visit to the local hospital set off a warning bell.
When I stop by to visit my parents today, I ask them if they would consider interviewing an “aide.” In the military, an “aide” was something you earned when you achieved a specific position. I hoped that would help make it more attractive.
My dad immediately says, “No, I don’t want any strangers in my life. We are doing fine, so why would we need any help?”
I tell him that the hospital they visited called me and my sister concerned for their safety. Do you remember what happened? He says, “Yes.” I don’t push him to tell me.
I have asked this question several times: “When is it time to consider help?” He says, “We don’t need to do anything until something happens.” I let it go this time. They are unable to really define “something”.
When I see my parents later, my mom starts talking about when they will change and now it’s when one of them dies. The fact that they can’t pay their bills, get lost frequently while driving or have had several doctor’s express concerns over their ability to navigate daily life don’t count. Irked.
When I talked to mom and dad about making plans, the first few times she would only talk about what they would do if either of them died. Then mom agreed the other would have to go to a senior living community though at first it wasn’t specified what type. Only after the “something happened” point would other actually move. But you can prepare yourself in the meantime to know what is available for the day when you do have to do something. Check out local senior living options and visit them. Something will happen and you need to be ready. Good luck.
Thank you for your note. They have a place in a retirement community but don’t want to move there. They stay there 3 – 4 times a week but it’s independent living which offers no services. We have lined up options for care support should we get to the point where they will accept it. Their community does offer progressive services so we are ready when that day comes.
We just kept hoping we could help them maximize their options and daily enjoyment. We would be able to see them more and they could come to watch many more of our kid events (which they love to watch) if they would allow a driving service. I can’t pick them up most times and when they try to get there by themselves they just get lost. Sad!
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