One way to simplify your life

Recently I was interviewed on the Mary and Melissa Show which is led by two mothers who share the hurdles of raising kids with disabilities. While I walked into this business out of the need to help manage and support aging parents, I have learned of the ongoing needs to manage and organize a host of information for families who have children with disabilities.

Most people find the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services figure that reports at least 70% of Americans turning 65 will need three years of care frightening. As a country, we will struggle to care for loved ones in many ways. I have focused my experience on helping families avoid having to deal with the simple things that a little organization can solve. To learn more about how you can make sure you and your loved ones are ready, I hope you will listen to this show.

More than half of the people who die, leave this earthy without a will. Even when they do the estate planning, squabbles, usually among the adult children, break out.

The Washington Post shared the story Family of former mayor Tony Williams in probate court over mother’s will.  They are fighting over stuff. They aren’t unusual.  In the past decade the probate court (that deals with distribution of assets for people that die*) has become one of D.C. Superior Court’s busiest divisions. They have nearly doubled the staffing to deal with the growing number of cases making it to probate court.

The emergence of an “ethical will” which is a document that allows you to convey your personal wishes and where you want your things to go that can be read, shared and used by a family member will go a long way to help avoid the silly fights that break out. It won’t hold up in court, but having a hand-written note might help as loved ones deal with their grief and avoid such family disputes.

 *There are some estate planning measures that can avoid probate court. See an estate lawyer for more details. 

We have all witnessed unexpected events upending the lives of our friends, colleagues and even our loved ones, but when you are sitting in the hot-seat, you wonder why you didn’t recognize the warning signals or even why you weren’t better prepared.

I have always been a planner. I recall the funny look my husband gave me when I wanted to talk about where we might live after the kids graduated from high-school when I was just 40 and our children were 3 and 8 years old. As I was watching my parents settle into retirement, I wanted us to start thinking about what our lives might look like and what we were working toward. I now recognize most people don’t do that, but that was how I was raised.

I come from planners. As the baby of the family, I knew my parent’s career and life plan because they would talk about it at the dinner table. I watched them live out their plans and as they started to slow down, knew my parents were doing what the estate lawyer, financial and insurance advisor suggested.

However, when mom began to repeat stories and my Dad became more subdued, I didn’t recognize the early warning signs of dementia. My mom began to tell me Dad was more forgetful, but I noticed more forgetfulness in my Mom and offered to take them to get some memory benchmarks. My Dad agreed, but my Mom always declined.

According to the Alzheimer’s Association, “dementia is a general term for a decline in mental ability severe enough to interfere with daily life. Memory loss is an example. Alzheimer’s is the most common type of dementia.” The Alzheimer’s Association offers a great resource called “Know the 10 Signs” that helps qualify the difference between forgetting a name or word and when it might be a sign of a more serious issue. I have the benefit of having two children at home and knowing they forget alleviates my panic over a senior moment vs an early warning sign of dementia.

When we began to see changes in behavior we knew something more serious was going on with their health. My Dad was the first to be diagnosed. I attended several medical appointments with my parents and watched as they scored in the high-20’s on the mini-mental exam or Folstein test, made up of 30-questions. It wasn’t until a neuro-psychological exam was administered that we were given a better understanding of what was happening with my parents.

I learned through the process that when it comes to dementia, those close will be the first to notice. By the time the medical team recognized that my Dad had Alzheimer’s and my Mom had Vascular Dementia, they were both into moderate stages of cognitive decline and even past the point that any medication was recommended to slow the progression of the disease.

When I needed use the Durable Power of Attorney to assist my parents, I realized that not only was it not always accepted (one financial services firm declined it because it was more than 2 years old and another because it was more than 5 years old), but there was a huge gap in the information I needed to be pay bills, be their medical advocate and manage their household that all the planning in the world didn’t provide.

Over the course of a year, I worked to collect and organize their documents, accounts, and assets. I used a binder so I could keep continue to add information as well as share it with my siblings when they came to town to give a break from caregiving. It was easy to hand-over and they could easily step in to help.

On June 16^th, 2015 at the Transitions 2015, I will share how to better plan for the unexpected, cover the differences between forgetfulness and dementia as well as share my personal journey on how to manage as a caregiver.

Kay H. Bransford is the best-selling author of MemoryBanc: Your Workbook for Organizing Life and founder of the award-winning system to collect and product documents, accounts, and assets.

My brother shared this video with me several years ago. I came across it again and am sharing this thoughtful post with you reminding us of our raging consumer habits. We spend the first half of our lives accumulating, then realize we have too much stuff!

I was looking forward to meeting with the social worker to learn more behind the story of my parents’ visits to the hospital.

The social worker tells me my parents showed up at the Emergency Room and by the time they were seen, they couldn’t remember why they were there. They return the next day and see an Internal Medicine doctor who quickly determines something is quite off with my parents. When she tries to have a conversation with them independently and together, they are both in a confused state. They both fail a mini cognitive assessment.

The hospital was concerned about letting my parents leave. They did not want either of them behind the wheel of a car. When they ask if they have someone to call, they say yes, but can only tell them my first name and don’t have my phone number with them. They do remember my sister’s first and last name, but don’t know her phone number and don’t remember where she lives.

They consider calling Adult Protective Services. When they find out my parents have an apartment at a retirement community, they call the community. However, because my parents are in the “independent living” section, there is nothing the community can do except provide them with contact names and phone numbers for family.

My sister Kathy gets the call. She worked to get them back to their apartment and I jumped in my car to meet them there. Ineffective.