Tag: medical

49% of Americans Retiring Earlier Than Planned

The latest U.S. Census reports that there are 44.7 million over the age of 65 in the United States. According to the Department of Health & Human Services, seven out of ten of them will need three or more years of long-term care before they die. Unfortunately, most families are not prepared when they need to step in and help mom, dad in the face of a crisis or medical issue, and the consequences of being unprepared can be severe amongst families – causing chaos, confusion, and loss of money.

What’s more, a 2014 survey by the Employee Benefit Research Institute found that 49 percent of retirees surveyed had retired earlier than they had planned. The survey found that many Americans find themselves retiring unexpectedly, and many retirees cited negative reasons for leaving the workforce, including 61 percent who cited health problems or disability.

Conversation Starters

The earlier you start talking about this the better. If you are having the discussion with a parent, always go in respecting the parent/child dynamic even through you may be 60. Consider this a conversation where you are trying to understand how a good friend, and someone you love is planning on spending the rest of their life. Some ways to do this include:

  • Ask mom and dad how they plan on spending their 60s, 70s, and 80s. Where do they want to live and how do they want to spend their time?
  • Request recommendations on how to approach estate planning. When did they do theirs and how did they decide who should be their advocate if one of them is unable to speak for the other?
  • Share a story of a friend or colleague who faced a difficult family health issue and talk about how your family might have handled the situation differently.

Unfortunately, you may have to wait for a pivotal event to happen before mom or dad are ready to have this discussion with you. Let me know if you have some additional suggestions on how to get this conversation started and I hope you will share which ideas helped your family.

For a free guide on how to organize your documents, accounts, and assets so that you can easily find them, or share them with a loved one should they ever need to help you, visit MemoryBanc.com/save.

When will I stop believing what my demented Mom tells me?

carlyhostMy sister came to visit to help chase down my Mom’s medical issues giving me a break and allowing me to focus on my daughter’s foot surgery. The true sandwich generation dilemma — both Mom and daughter need medical attention and care right now.

My daughter is only 11, but had chronic foot pain due to an extra (accessory) bone that outlasted all the non-surgical options we pursued. She stopped dancing and gutted out soccer as the goalie to help her team who lost two players due to broken bones. Surgery was a few days ago. Thankfully, it went well and I just finished spending the last two days as foot-maid (pun fully intended).

My sister just returned home yesterday and my Mom just called telling me her “cupboard is bare.” Not only does logic tell me she still has plenty of crackers and chips, she is in a community that serves every meal and that also has a “store” where she can pick up bread and peanut butter and jelly if she really is out of supplies.

However, I immediately feel guilty and assume my Mom is reporting facts. I can’t stop the urge to believe my Mom. I’m not sure if I ever want to lose that ability because it will mean I know my Mom is lost to me for good. Reflected.

 

Dementia and the Importance of Medical Advocacy

sheildMy Mom lives in an Assisted Living facility. She has moderate multi-infarct dementia. Last week I noticed a pretty major change in my Mom and requested that they test for a UTI.  They set her up with a visit with the doctor. They report they tested her and would start antibiotics giving me the impression she tested positive. There was no change in her behavior two-days into the course of medicine and by the end of the day a nurse called me to say the culture came back negative and they were stopping the antibiotics.

While I was there, I found that my Mom’s feet were very swollen. My Mom was complaining that her little toe hurt and would not stop pacing. When we get off her shoe, I find that both feet and calves are twice their normal size. I had the on-duty nurse visit and my Mom is not really complaining about her feet hurting – she is almost defensive that we all think her legs would hurt. Apparently, the personal aide we hired reported this to the nurses a few days earlier (before the antibiotics).

However, no one told me or seems to be following up on her swollen feet and legs. I request that a doctor visit my Mom and they initially decide to do a test to see if she has deep vein thrombosis. They call to tell me the test came back negative.After two visits from the doctor, it seems they are done investigating.

I was complaining about the lack of follow-up care for my Mom to my mother-in-law. As we were talking I tell her that I noticed my Mom was 15 pounds heavier on the scale, but doesn’t look like she’s gained any weight. My mother-in-law suggests I tell the medical staff since it could lead them to something else going on with my Mom. Maybe she’s retaining fluid which is causing the foot and leg swelling? When I call back to Assisted Living and ask if they have been tracking my Mom’s weight, she confirms that indeed, my Mom has gained almost 15 pounds in two months and tells me she will have the doctor follow-up. Did the doctor not notice this on his first or second visit? Arrgg!

I’m getting more and more signals that Assisted Living is the WRONG place to be for any patient with dementia. The programming is not geared toward her needs and the fact that she is presented with a menu at meal time makes me realize why she might not want to eat in the dining hall. My Mom gets overwhelmed when presented with choices.

Recent research confirms that a person with dementia poses additionally challenges to the medical community since they can’t report their history or pain reliably. It turns out, the un-diagnosed issue could be leading to the anxiety and other troubling behaviors.

I understand it’s difficult to help someone who can’t help themselves, but I would think the medical staff would be more prepared to address this. Could my Mom’s “unbecoming behavior” stem from an un-diagnosed medical issue? I’m more certain than ever that someone needs to be the voice for those individuals with dementia who can’t advocate for their own needs and that our current medical system seems too busy or overwhelmed to serve. Angered. 

 

Related medical research on this topic:

Pain, Anxiety, and Dementia: A Catastrophic Outcome