Tag: aging

That checkbook equals independence

I still remember using my first credit card to buy clothes for myself when I was around 21 years old. I can visualize the pair of novelty socks that were going to look good with my “dressy” shorts. Yeah, I’ve never been that great when it comes to fashion, but I recall those socks as my first adult purchase on a credit card.

Q4HelpingParentsNow that I work with older adults on a daily basis and help them manage their day-to-day finances, I see how much that checkbook represents. I’ve included a video where I was asked about how someone should talk to a loved one about managing the money and when to recommend a Daily Money Manager.

I recall the frustration I felt when I watched my parents giving away money to a zillion charities they never had an interest in before … missing to pay the water bill … or being asked how you put a check into your checking account. Add to that the number of times my Mom lost her wallet just to fuel my concern … and aggravation. Dealing with numbers and following a multi-step process can be one of the first things you see failing in a loved one with cognitive issues. The consequences can be devastating to financial resources.

Every year, the National Council on Aging estimates more than $36 Billion is lost due to exploitation, fraud, and trust abuse. On a weekly basis, I meet with clients who are giving away money they need to pay for their care, paying for products and services they don’t use, and generally a disinterest in the implications of giving that money to people they never intended to assist.

However, before you tell your loved one they need to hand-over the checkbook, consider what that means to them. If you are concerned, you should start by spending the time to walk through the day-to-day finances with them — help them write checks and manage the cash flow. If you can’t do it, you should be able to find a Daily Money Manager in your area that can help on the website for the American Association of Daily Money Managers.

I hope you will consider how much your loved one has already lost, and don’t be to hasty to take away what might represent to them their last vestige of independence. Recommended. 

 

 

Older Adults are More Trustin’

I was surprised to find a report from UCLA that concluded “Older people, more than younger adults, may fail to interpret an untrustworthy face as potentially dishonest, the study shows. The reason for this, the UCLA life scientists found, seems to be that a brain region called the anterior insula, which is linked to disgust and is important for discerning untrustworthy faces, is less active in older adults.”

cost of abutseThe price of this misplaced trust was reported at an annual cost of $36.5 Billion by the National Council on Aging.  I shared a few weeks back that Impostor Scams netted $328 in 2017. In working with older adults as a Daily Money Manager, I see how difficult managing your personal finances has become in today’s digital world. If you are concerned about a loved one, I hope you will offer to help if you are starting to notice the bills stacking up, or hear them lament over getting ready for their taxes. Not only is it harder to manage, but there are lots of people trying to get at our loved ones money.

 

I was initially surprised to read the results of the UCLA study. Since then, I’ve been watching and talking with my clients a little differently. I actually now feel a little panic when they tell me a plumber is coming, or they just signed a home improvement contract. I ask them to please reach out to me to talk through big ticket items before they sign an agreement if something comes up between appointments.

However, several have gone ahead and paid for the services and then we just work to validate that they got the service they paid for. In several cases, we have been able to cancel agreements that were predatory.

This gets even more problematic when early cognitive impairment or dementia are involved.

I’ve always considered a side benefit of getting older was getting wiser. I never guessed that due to natural aging, changes in our brains would make us more trusting. It feels counter-intuitive. However, it gives me renewed vigor to help as many older adults as I can. Witnessed.  

 

 

As we age, changes in our brain make us more susceptible to exploitation.

ImpactofFraudHallie Swift is a poet with a keen eye for art, and she recently blogged about what happened to her mom. One of the comments in her story discussed how the changes in our brains as we age make us more susceptible to fraud and exploitation.

In working with older adults to manage their day-to-day finances, the onslaught of scams and ploys to get their money is never ending. For my oldest clients, we usually start by going through the mail together. The amount of non-profits that use language to convey a prior commitment to give saddens me as a former non-profit marketing professional. These are used even by the top-notch charities. They know that the “greatest generation” meets their commitments and language stating “Thanks for your pledge of $20.00” is very successful at generating donations.

If you are seeing a lot more donations, your loved one might be a victim of this tactic. I know that it worked on my parents. Their habit of giving once a year turned into checks every month.

However, the important thing to know is that the changes in our aging brains may make us all victims of some of the more serious and predatory scams that result in over 36 Billion dollars a year as reported by the National Council on Aging. I think it is valuable for all of us to know that it might be a natural consequence of getting older.

Beyond the concern to the finances is the emotional toll this takes on older adults. From additional health issues to trouble in a marriage, support around managing the checkbook might be a welcome relief to someone in your life.

For more on the full report, you can visit: Neural and behavioral bases of age differences in perceptions of trust.  In summary:

“Older adults are disproportionately vulnerable to fraud, and federal agencies have speculated that excessive trust explains their greater vulnerability.

Two studies, one behavioral and one using neuroimaging methodology, identified age differences in trust and their neural underpinnings. Older and younger adults rated faces high in trust cues similarly, but older adults perceived faces with cues to
untrustworthiness to be significantly more trustworthy and approachable than younger adults. This age-related pattern was mirrored in neural activation to cues of trustworthiness. Whereas younger adults showed greater anterior insula activation to untrustworthy versus trustworthy faces, older adults showed muted activation of the anterior insula to untrustworthy faces. The insula has been shown to support interoceptive awareness that forms the basis of “gut feelings,” which represent expected risk and predict risk-avoidant behavior. Thus, a diminished “gut” response to cues
of untrustworthiness may partially underlie older adults’ vulnerability to fraud.”

Aging ain’t for sissies. I hope this helps you consider how you might help a loved one as well as consider how to protect yourself in the years to come. Considered. 

Three Reasons to Hire An Aging Life Care Manager

logoI was the primary adult family caregiver for my parents for five years. My journey ended last Christmas when my mom passed away. I know I will be moving through a grieving process for many years to come, but was happy that her life with dementia ended. It’s a nasty disease that steals away our loved ones bit-by-bit.

I learn by doing and used this blog to chronicle many of my lessons in hopes that it may help others. One of the valuable resources you should be able to find in your community is a Life Care Manager (formerly referred to as a Geriatric Care Manager). They are usually nurses or social workers by training and have layers of additional education and practical experience required to earn this designation. Aging Life Care™ is a holistic, client-centered approach to caring for older adults or others facing ongoing health challenges. To find one in your area, you can visit the Aging Life Care Association.

Looking back, I could have called them in to help more and should have. There wee blocks of time when every visit to see mom was filled with medical follow-ups. I would have preferred to just visit mom and be her daughter than try to run down a host of issues from getting her toe-nails trimmed to a concerns about some intermittent dizziness she was experiencing.

The three times I recommend  you consider hiring an Aging Life Care Manager include:

  1. When you are looking for a community. My parent’s had bought into a Continuing Care Retirement Community (CCRC) but there was a point when Assisted Living wasn’t the right fit for my very mobile mom with dementia, and Memory Care  only cared for individuals in the final stages. I hired a local firm to help me whittle down the choices and understand how to measure each community.
  2. When your loved one ends up in the hospital. There were a few visits to the ER for mom in the last year of her life. I called in help when mom broke her hip and to operate, the doctor was demanding I lift the DNR. It was complicated, and the Aging Life Care Manager helped me navigate my choices and fulfill my mother’s wishes.
  3. When you just want to be the daughter, son, or spouse. As you have already learned, there is so much you don’t know about a medical condition they may have or the way nurses, doctors, and community health services work, that I recommend bringing them in to just manage the medical needs.

If you are in the DC-metro area, I am happy to provide a referral to some wonderful Aging Life Care managers. Recommended.

A Different Degree of Elder Abuse

checkbookA few years ago, when we didn’t yet have a diagnosis, but knew something was wrong with mom and dad, we were concerned that our parents would be victims of elder-abuse scams. We had a major incident when my mom hired two contractors for the same work, one of which charged 5 times a reasonable rate for the work that needed to be done. Thankfully, we were able to get the contract cancelled in time.

While we wanted our parents to hand over the checkbook and let us help them, my parents refused and were a little angry that we even suggested such a notion. I now understand that keeping control and having a sense of meaning and purpose is not just important to recognize, but a monstrous roadblock for many to overcome.

As my parent’s were losing control of the world around them, the one thing they could do was pay bills and send off donations to the growing number of charities asking for money through the mail. I started to notice that my parents were making a LOT of donations to new charities. For years, they had always done the donations once a year, after doing checks to validate the varied non-profit organizations and their finances. Now, I was watching weekly mailings to new charities I had never heard of.

It seemed that the charities that got money, freely shared the names of donors with others. The mail seemed to grow with more requests for donations. Most of the mailings showed up and looked like bills, or had language on them to the effect of “Here is confirmation of your pledge.”

When I asked my parents, they couldn’t even tell me what most of the charities did. When I asked why they were changing their annual donations to monthly, they brushed off my question.

I still feel like many of these charities took advantage of my parents. They seemed to count on the fact that my parents wouldn’t remember they didn’t “pledge” funds and in a way, coerced them into donating.

I fought with my godly self because many of the charities were indeed well run and regarded and doing good work. But my logical, righteous self grew angry over the ploys and tactics they were using on my parents.

Eventually, the checkbook did get turned over. As I was cleaning up some old files, I came across an old register and more than half of all the checks were to charities. While I still carry a bit of rage over the tactics, now that mom is unable to manage to even sign her name, maybe a few hundred dollars every year to these charities was worth the sense of independence it gave my mom when she could still write a check. Conflicted. 

How to Grow your Business and Your Family

Listen to the interview where Mary Kathryn Johnson, host of Parent Entrepreneur Power, talks with Kay H. Bransford, best-selling author of MemoryBanc: Your Workbook for Organizing Life where they discuss growing a business while raising a family and caring for parents.

Determined to help other families avoid the issues and roadblocks she faced, Kay launched MemoryBanc. Her parents had planned, but when their health started to fail, so did their best made plans.

Tune in to learn how this mom-preneur turned lemons into lemon-aid.

Ever wonder what you should have in place so that a loved one could help you?

blogtalkradioRobert Sharpe, host of Bringing Inspiration to Earth radio show, interviewed me about my journey to care for my parents. He focused in on the key topic I regularly evangelize — which is getting your documents, accounts and assets in order.

Did you know that Consumer Reports found 7 out of 10 couples didn’t know about or how to access the MAJOR financial accounts they shared? We lead busy lives and today our disorganization has already cost American families $58 billion. How much will it cost you?

We talk through some real life stories and discuss why having a durable power of attorney and medical directives are important for everyone over 18. We also go into the how and why these details are most important to ensure you have the life quality you desire.

To listen to this podcast, visit BlogTalkRadio.

Download a copy of the Important Documents Summary if you need this information for you or your family. Listen to this podcast for a walk through the list and how and why each item is important. Interviewed. 

Do you know how to protect your personal and financial information? Find out here.

Listen to the radio broadcast with Frank of Aging Boomers who interviewed Kay H. Bransford, best-selling author of MemoryBanc: Your Workbook for Organizing Life, to find out how you can protect your personal information and safely share it with loved ones.

They discuss the key issues that surprise many families and that has lead to more than $58 billion sitting with state and federal treasurers in an “unclaimed money” pool to include:

  • The rise of divide and conquer households
  • The increase in aging adults and their need for long-term care services
  • The number of online accounts, usernames, passcodes, and PINs that are managed by the average American.

Aging is like traveling to a foreign country.

I just returned from a mission trip to Belize. It dawned on me while I was there that planning for aging is a lot like planning for trip to a foreign country. You can read books and learn about what to expect, pack for a variety of experiences, but when you arrive, you depend on the help of those around you to make the most of your journey.

I packed rain boots but didn’t realize that the duct tape wasn’t going to hold so I needed to buy a new pair. My new boots were only $8 and are a unique memento of my trip.

The flies swarm in the rain and I wasn’t even that phased by the fly in the bottom of my cup of coffee on the 6th day.

The warmth of the people and their suggestions on how to cure heat rash (rub a lime on your skin), avoid the killer bees, and even the tasty chew on the leaves of the all-spice tree made our visit memorable.

As American’s we are fiercely independent but need to learn how to share life plans, as well as our weaknesses (not just our strengths), and accept help when we might need it most.

Life is a journey, and I hope to make the best of it even up to the end, when most likely, I will need the help from others to manage even my day-to-day activities.

Aging is like traveling to a foreign country

topofmayanruinsI just returned from a mission trip to Belize. It dawned on me while I was there that planning for aging is a lot like planning for trip to a foreign country. You can read books and learn about what to expect, pack for a variety of experiences, but when you arrive, you depend on the help of those around you to make the most of your journey.

I packed rain boots but didn’t realize that the duct tape wasn’t going to hold so I needed to buy a new pair. My new boots were only $8 and are a unique memento of my trip.

The flies swarm in the rain and I wasn’t even that phased by the fly in the bottom of my cup of coffee on the 6th day.

The warmth of the people and their suggestions on how to cure heat rash (rub a lime on your skin), avoid the killer bees, and even the tasty chew on the leaves of the all-spice tree enhanced our journey.

As American’s we are fiercely independent but need to learn how to trust and depend on others. The fact that 7 out of 10 Americans turning 65 today will need 3 or more years of long-term care requires that we share life plans, our weaknesses (not just our strengths), and accept help when we might need it most. Discovered.

Life is a journey, and I hope to make the best of it even up to the end, when most likely, I will need the help from others to manage even my day-to-day activities.

7 out of 10 people will need long-term care support – Are you ready?

According to the U.S. Department of Health & Human Services:

  • Someone turning age 65 today has almost a 70% chance of needing some type of long-term care services and supports in their remaining years
  • Women need care longer (3.7 years) than men (2.2 years)
  • One-third of today’s 65 year-olds may never need long-term care support, but 20 percent will need it for longer than 5 years

Having a will and medical directives or even long-term care insurance won’t guarantee that the individual(s) who would step in to advocate for you will know about your medical history, your bills, your home improvements, your tax preparer or even your pets care needs. You want someone to be your advocate should you be facing a medical crisis or long-term care needs.

To get started, download a free check list of the documents you need or order a copy of the MemoryBanc Register that will guide you through the process of organizing your documents, accounts, and assets so that you can easily find them, and share them with a loved one when needed. Organized.