Protecting Yourself Online Is Getting Harder

     The ongoing saga of data breaches means that criminals have access to at least bits and pieces of our digital footprint. When Yahoo was attacked, they recently disclosed in October that over 3 billion user accounts were compromised. I think we were all shocked when the Experian data breach hit the news. However, it’s up to us to take ownership of our personal information.
     First, as the continued breaches prove, we need to make sure we aren’t using the same usernames and passcodes since the crooks use these to break into other online services you use. To learn more about how this could impact you, read the Harvard Business Review article You Can’t Secure 100% of Your Data 100% of the Time.
     For those of you wasting time resetting your passcodes, please download a free copy of the chapter “Taming the Internet” from my best-selling workbook. Within 5 minutes you will simplify your online life and have an easy way to manage your passcodes, security questions (how many times have you gotten your own question wrong), and PINs. I also explain why it is important to do.
     Whether you still aspire to follow the Japanese Art of Decluttering, or have moved onto the Swedish Death Cleaning craze, this one tool will help you make progress toward your 2018 goals.
     What about Passcode Keepers? These can be great time savers, as long as you use one that lets you print out a list of your current passcodes. Should you forget your passcode, or if a loved one needs to help you, without access to your codes you are making life very difficult for someone in a shared household — or for those who step forward to help you.
     I was told NOT to write down passcodes, isn’t that a security issue? At work, where you have an IT department that can reset your codes, I understand that guidance. At home, where I share multiple accounts with my husband (AT&T, Itunes, and our banking and finance accounts), having access to a written list is critical to handling our shared lives.
Best wishes for a peaceful and organized 2018!

Something Is Not Right with Mom & Dad and I Can’t Do a Thing About It.

KaywParents2013I still feel a pain in my gut when I look back on the early days of my journey as a caregiver. It was incredibly difficult because I knew something was wrong and my parents were insistent that they were AOK.

The initial change and recognition is proving to be the most difficult phase for many families. As a daily money manager, I see the things that happened to my family repeat themselves with my clients. I see the concern, understand the frustration, and also recognize the need to maintain independence and freedom for the parent.

My dad was getting lost driving to my house, even through he had driven over nearly 2,000 times before over the previous decade. He was so sad at having to tell me he got lost. Not only was my very punctual dad late, he was also a master navigator.

When I was visiting with my mom a few days later she asks me about a great Aunt whose Christmas card was returned.  This Aunt had died a few years prior and was just another blaring warning that my mom’s memory fading. My kids were now used to being asked over and over about their ages, and my husband and I just responded to whichever name they came up for us when they visited.

My mom does start to complain that her “brain is bad today.” However, she really didn’t want to know more about it or change anything about her life because she felt that she was doing just fine.

Sadly, we had to wait until there was a critical event to ever really help them.

The challenges change, but I still found this the most difficult time because it was clear that my parents needed help, and there was nothing at all I could but be ready should they ever ask for it. Reflected. 

Be Careful on Your Next Visit to the Doctor

pickpocketI wonder how hard thieves must work to come up with some of the depraved ways they target victims. In Northern Virginia, they have started to pick-pocket older adults at doctor’s offices and at the hospital.

I hope that by now, you have made copies of what is in your wallet. Should it get lost or stolen, you have a quick and easy way to cancel or freeze your credit cards and know what needs to get replaced. Most of us have a home printer and it takes 2 minutes to copy everything in your wallet. I recommend you use color and consider enlarging the images so they are easier to read.

If you are caring for a loved one, it’s an easy way to keep track of their important information and access it at a moments notice.

Here are some tips from the police to avoid becoming victims to pickpocketers:

  • Keep all your personal items in your front pockets
  • Zip, fasten, and close your purse
  • Report any suspicious people or events
  • Make sure your elderly loved ones are accompanied by a trusted family member or friend

The job of are caregiver is already hard. Now we have to layer in some extra work to protect our loved ones in places we never expected to find criminals. Disgusted. 

Caregiving Pulls Prime Age Women from the Workforce

BLSOn average, nearly one in four women aged 45 to 64 are unpaid caregivers according to the 2015-16 American Time Use Survey released by the Bureau of Labor Statistics. Nearly one in seven women 35 to 44 are serving in this role. Apparently, since early 2000 the number of prime age women began to decline after rising for half a century. This shift coincides with a rise in the elderly population.

Thanks to my sister-in-law who shared the article in The New York Times. The topic has been debated for years and the prime motivator was believed to be caring for children, but now it’s becoming clear that many women are leaving to care for an elderly relative.

I recently wrote about The Impact of Caregiving on Employment — AARP projected that 49 percent of the workforce will be providing care in the coming years — and I am hoping that employers will start to consider how to help their workforce navigate the coming reality.

My caregiving duties lead me to leave the workforce temporarily. I had no idea how to manage work, raise kids, and help my parents. I wish I had access to information on how to be a good advocate for a loved one. Now that I’m on the other side of caring to two parents, I provide educational programs to caregivers in hopes of helping other families navigate these difficult waters. We shouldn’t all have to learn “on the job”.

Now that I work in the world of caregiving, the idea that there really is no way to easily, affordably get care is an issue I see everyday. I don’t know how we can solve that, but I am glad to see that the facts are helping bring light to this growing issue. Shared. 

 

Thieves Targeting Hospital Patients

pickpocketI wonder how hard thieves must work to come up with some of the depraved ways they target victims. In Northern Virginia, they have started to pick-pocket older adults at doctor’s offices and at the hospital.

I hope that by now, you have made copies of what is in your wallet. Should it get lost or stolen, you have a quick and easy way to cancel or freeze your credit cards and know what needs to get replaced. Most of us have a home printer and it takes 2 minutes to copy everything in your wallet. I recommend you use color and consider enlarging the images so they are easier to read.

Here are some tips from the police to avoid becoming victims to pickpocketers:

  • Keep all your personal items in your front pockets
  • Zip, fasten, and close your purse
  • Report any suspicious people or events
  • Make sure your elderly loved ones are accompanied by a trusted family member or friend

How do if know if a community is a safe place for mom or dad?

MemoryBanc Daily Money Management Services
MemoryBanc offers practical assistance to age-in-place.

My parents tried to get ahead of having one of us choose a community to help with their care. The bought into a Life Care Community in 1998. However, they never really wanted to live there.

It got comical when they told us they didn’t want to really move in yet because that is where all the “old people” lived. My parents were in the mid-70s and treated the community as a vacation home and went on weekends.

I recently heard a statistic that the average age of those that move into retirement communities are now in their 80s. Most people want to stay in their homes as long as they can. However, I also see the isolation of those who lose a spouse or just withdraw from their network of friends. For those that give up the car keys, it gets harder to stay connected. Those are most of the clients I work with and I understand the tension between aging-in-place and moving to a community. The answer is different for everyone.

As Dr. Gawande simply states in the best-seller “Being Mortal” — many of us want safety for loved ones while those we are helping, want purpose and meaning. However, it’s hard to know if the community you are looking at is right for your loved ones.

A recent news story in our local paper shared that dozens of nursing homes in Virginia were fined for violations. It’s heartbreaking to know that many individuals who are at their weakest are not getting the kind of care their need. Unfortunately, it is a reality of the industry and one that means that family and loved ones need to be vigilant and be the voice for those that can’t advocate for themselves.

When I needed to find a different community for my mom who was a very active woman with moderate dementia, I hired a local aging life care manager from Caring Considerations. They helped narrow down my choices and my siblings and I had the opportunity to tour and select the one we thought was best for mom.

The reason to hire someone to help with this are many. First, online community locators are compensated by the communities they send you for the leads they produce. I wanted an impartial expert to help me find the right place for mom.

I have also referred some families to the senior community advisor that serves my local community. They are compensated by some of the communities they refer to, so I suggest you a schedule a call to learn more about how they can help you and how they are compensated.

You want to know about how the residents and their families have found the community. Most aging life care managers and senior advisors have clients living in the communities and have an inside view.

The final reason is that you will want to know if there are violations. You can search for the ratings on Nursing homes on the Medicare site here.  Unfortunately, this is only for the skilled nursing, so having someone who knows about an Assisted Living or Memory Care community can help offer some additional comfort to a difficult choice.

Even the top communities aren’t able to staff to meet all the needs of their residents. It’s a shame to know that we haven’t figured out how to compassionately meet the needs of our elders. Aging Ain’t for Sissies. Considered. 

The Impact of Caregiving on Employment

Will employers ever realize that the cost-cutting measures to remove many of the wellness programs they used to invest in could actually make a big difference to their bottom line?

The trend seems to be on encouraging better health for the employees through monetary incentives to do everything from drinking more water to getting in more steps daily. These incentives dismiss the reality that millions of employees are dealing with health issues that are not their own … and it will ultimately impact their ability to perform their jobs and sadly, ultimately their health. One study found that employers paid about 8 percent more for the health care of caregiver employees compared to noncaregivers, potentially costing U.S. businesses $13.4 billion per year.

According to AARP About half (49 percent) of the workforce expects to be providing  eldercare in the coming five years.

After living through the care of two parents, I hope more employers will consider offering something as simple as a brown bag lunch to help employees understand the choices, issues, and how to better navigate the caregiving journey.  Most of us that do these workshops as well as those that are serving in the senior community left careers after being a caregiver. We know it can be easier, better, and are doing our part to make a difference. I hope if you are still working you have gone to your employer to find out what they might have in place to help you.

The Costs of Caregiving Affect Both Individual Workers and Employers

According to a white paper on caregiving done by AARP, U.S. businesses lose up to $33.6 billion per year in lost productivity from full-time working caregivers. Costs associated with replacing employees, absenteeism, workday distractions, supervisory time, and reductions in hours from full-time to part-time all take a toll.

While it’s expected to impact nearly half of all employees in the coming years, the initial fear was the loss of the workers due to aging. Now it’s the impact of workers caring for loved ones that will take a toll on our workforce.

Add the costs from increased health expenses for caregivers to the costs of lost productivity and the total mushrooms to $47 Billion. Have you noticed corporate America?

The report shares that:

  • Some 20 percent of all female and 16 percent of all male workers in the United States are family caregivers. That’s nearly 1/5th of all employees.
  • Nearly seven in ten (68 percent) caregivers report making work accommodations because of caregiving. These adjustments include arriving late/leaving early or taking time off, cutting back on work hours, changing jobs, or stopping work entirely (see figure 1).

Workaccomodations

Family caregivers (age 50 and older) who leave the workforce to care for a parent lose, on average, nearly $304,000 in wages and benefits over their lifetime. These estimates range from $283,716 for men to $324,044 for women.

For now, the numbers prove that both sides are on the losing end.

What I do know is that I lived though these statistics and can vouch that my caregiving resulted in me leaving the workforce temporarily. The impact to my lifetime wages and benefits was greater than the average. However, I enjoy my new career and wake up every day with a fire in my belly to make a difference, if even only for one person each day. Testified.

If your company is ready to put some caregiving education programs into place, you can reach me at 703.436.2827.

You are still their child, even at 60!

babytrapI have the chance to meet and talk to a lot of adult children who are caring for loved ones with dementia. At a recent “Caregiver Academy” talk, I shared some of the major roadblocks I faced when trying to help my parents. I usually get a few open guffaws from other adult children facing the same issues.

I learned that reason doesn’t work when our parents still see us as their children. I imagine it’s kinda like how I still think I’m younger than my image in the mirror conveys (ouch, still hurts to admit that.)

When my dad was initially diagnosed by the psychiatrist in their Life Care Community, the doctor called and told me I needed to be with my parents for the diagnosis. He recognized that my parents weren’t accepting help and that they were both in a place where they were unable to make good decisions and at risk for fraud. After we had made plans to go to the appointment together, my dad calls me back and says “You don’t need to come. I’ve got a wife, damn it!”  I knew that my mom made my dad make that call. It didn’t matter. I still needed to find a way to make sure he went to the appointment and to be there.

When my parents finally started to ask for help, I jumped at EVERY request. Then I realized that I might be enabling them more than I was helping.

It’s easy to understand now that I’m on the other side and working with other families who are facing the same issues. However, I will always advocate to find ways to allow a family to maintain their parent/child role, while keeping mom/dad safe. I wish I could have been more of a daughter and realize how many hours I spent at the nurses station, coordinating help, and following up on invoices and managing the finances.

One adult caregiver who attended the talk was at the breaking point and came up to chat. I suggested she have a Life Care Manager meet with her mom. She wrote me a week later to tell me it has made a huge difference. While mom was resistant to help from the family, and dismissed the family doctor recommendation, she agreed to meet with a local life care manager who helped her (mom) take control of her medication and invited her back.

What is important is to recognize that it’s important to feel control over your own life. Even when things are failing, you still want to have a say. In many cases, the person failing won’t recognize it.

While I hope I won’t be as stubborn as I felt my parents were being, I’m pretty sure I will most likely be. I continue to openly discuss it with my kids hoping that should/when the time comes, they know how to use what I have learned to make it easier on them.

Every family has a different set of circumstances. Some kids show up to help, some withdraw, and some seem to only create more problems than help. I am very lucky to have four siblings (and supportive and helpful spouses) that showed up when it was needed most — for me and my parents. Blessed. 

Seven ways to avoid the health scams targeting seniors

fbiThe FBI did a presentation in November for AARP that had some valuable information that can help older adults. In working with seniors now, I often seen many of these scams played out and work to undo and recoup money that has been siphoned away through exploitation.

The majority of senior scams start when the individual offers up their medicare number or credit card information. Nothing was stolen, it was actually given away. For this reason, I suggest that loved ones and family consider how to offer support.

Most seniors will not share the fact that they were exploited due to embarrassment as well as fear that their control over their own life will be taken away … even by well-meaning family. I know, because my family experienced it. We saw a variety of different ploys that impacted our parents financially. I started by trying to work in tandem with mom who was “in charge” of paying the bills. It takes lot more time to do in tandem. Thankfully, my dad helped navigate the issues since he knew mom was struggling.

Eventually, when money just caused anxiety for mom, I started handling the finances and would just give her a quick, positive report to assuage her concerns. If you aren’t local and don’t have the time, consider hiring a Daily Money Manager. They can help your loved one stay independent, but benefit from their expertise to avoid frauds and scams. You can research local resources at the American Association of Daily Money Management here.

In terms of health fraud, the FBI recommends:

  1. Never sign blank insurance claim forms
  2. Ask your medical providers what they will charge and what you will be expected to pay
  3. Review your insurance benefits statement
  4. Don’t work with door-to-door or telephone salespeople who tell you that services or medical equipment are free (check out a related post on the subtle abuse you might not notice that discusses these “free” offers — they are never without a cost.)
  5. Only give your insurance information to medical service providers; if asked for your insurance number in exchange for money report it!
  6. Keep accurate records of your health care appointments
  7. Be weary of rolling labs found at health clubs, retirement homes, and in parking lots.  You are offered a free or low cost tests which may be totally unnecessary and possibly fake. You give them your Medicare or other insurance information which is what they want. Once they have your name, they may bill for services that were never performed. You may not know it, but you’ve participated in a fraud.

I am constantly surprised at the amount of energy and effort, as well as complicity, involved in these efforts to exploit money from older adults. The best defense is a good offense. I hope this gives you an idea on how to help a loved one that needs it. Convinced.

How often should I visit?

kayandkittyxmas2014For those who have a loved one in an assisted living or memory care community, this question lurks in the back of all of our minds. There is no right answer, only the answer that is right for you.

I recall several times having voice mail waiting for me asking “When are you coming to visit?” In many cases, the calls came within 20 or 30 minutes AFTER my visit. Why am I visiting when my mom doesn’t even remember it?

I came to realize that I needed to recognize my visits were for me. What was the right balance to not only be her advocate and make sure she was getting the right care, but also ensured that I was also present for my own family. The weekly number of visits fluctuated over the last few years of mom’s life. I always struggled to know what was the right amount, but that was only something that could come from within me.

There were times when mom didn’t recognize me, and other times when she would say something so personal or insightful, I would have to excuse myself to avoid crying in front of her. I missed her even though I was with her. The dementia stole her away bit-by-bit.

There are also those times when your loved one can tell you how much your visit means. The picture is exactly one year before my mom’s death. That day she let me know how much my visit mattered. Appreciated. 

As we age, changes in our brain make us more susceptible to exploitation.

ImpactofFraudHallie Swift is a poet with a keen eye for art, and she recently blogged about what happened to her mom. One of the comments in her story discussed how the changes in our brains as we age make us more susceptible to fraud and exploitation.

In working with older adults to manage their day-to-day finances, the onslaught of scams and ploys to get their money is never ending. For my oldest clients, we usually start by going through the mail together. The amount of non-profits that use language to convey a prior commitment to give saddens me as a former non-profit marketing professional. These are used even by the top-notch charities. They know that the “greatest generation” meets their commitments and language stating “Thanks for your pledge of $20.00” is very successful at generating donations.

If you are seeing a lot more donations, your loved one might be a victim of this tactic. I know that it worked on my parents. Their habit of giving once a year turned into checks every month.

However, the important thing to know is that the changes in our aging brains may make us all victims of some of the more serious and predatory scams that result in over 36 Billion dollars a year as reported by the National Council on Aging. I think it is valuable for all of us to know that it might be a natural consequence of getting older.

Beyond the concern to the finances is the emotional toll this takes on older adults. From additional health issues to trouble in a marriage, support around managing the checkbook might be a welcome relief to someone in your life.

For more on the full report, you can visit: Neural and behavioral bases of age differences in perceptions of trust.  In summary:

“Older adults are disproportionately vulnerable to fraud, and federal agencies have speculated that excessive trust explains their greater vulnerability.

Two studies, one behavioral and one using neuroimaging methodology, identified age differences in trust and their neural underpinnings. Older and younger adults rated faces high in trust cues similarly, but older adults perceived faces with cues to
untrustworthiness to be significantly more trustworthy and approachable than younger adults. This age-related pattern was mirrored in neural activation to cues of trustworthiness. Whereas younger adults showed greater anterior insula activation to untrustworthy versus trustworthy faces, older adults showed muted activation of the anterior insula to untrustworthy faces. The insula has been shown to support interoceptive awareness that forms the basis of “gut feelings,” which represent expected risk and predict risk-avoidant behavior. Thus, a diminished “gut” response to cues
of untrustworthiness may partially underlie older adults’ vulnerability to fraud.”

Aging ain’t for sissies. I hope this helps you consider how you might help a loved one as well as consider how to protect yourself in the years to come. Considered.